Man poached tortoises for food, New Port Richey's new safe zone already pretty safe, Tampa Bay crime

It's your Sh*t Happened round-up.

click to enlarge Man poached tortoises for food, New Port Richey's new safe zone already pretty safe, Tampa Bay crime
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Not only is it just Tuesday, but we're gonna make you think about Monday.

A man busted poaching federally protected gopher tortoises in Martin County admitted he was gonna take 'em home and eat 'em. I heard they taste like chicken. Lazy, dry, armor-plated chicken.

New Port Richey announced that it's creating a new "safe exchange zone" for picking up online purchases, child-custody exchanges and the like in the police department's parking lot. Because the police department's parking lot is apparently not enough of a safe exchange zone.

"Florida man climbs playground, curses at children." This doesn't even deserve Florida Man status — you gotta go a little bigger than Abe Simpson these days.

A Marion County woman who smiled widely in her mugshot while being booked on charges DUI with serious bodily injury enraged the victim's family, and is facing a much more serious charge since the victim died as a result of the injuries. "Smiling widely in your mugshot while being booked for something that seriously injured somebody else" should in and of itself carry mandatory prison time, no?