In the last week of the 2006 campaign season, I would like to see:
1. Charlie Crist agree that Jim Davis' attendance record in Congress while he was trying to run and win a Democratic primary campaign isn't relevant.
2. Davis no longer use the phrase "stay the course" in attacks on Crist.
3. Crist no longer stay the course.
4. More funny ads of an animated Phyllis Busansky.
5. Busansky whoop Gus Bilirakis.
6. The end of 15-second political TV ads.
7. Katherine Harris pull even with Bill Nelson so that the daily press will have to start writing about her again. I know this is wrong to wish for. But I miss her so much.
8. Both Kim Berfield and Charlie Justice legally removed from the ballot and a permanent injunction filed against either campaign running more TV ads.
9. Any of the following candidates actually show up at a debate: Jim Norman, Ronda Storms, Gus Bilirakis.
10. Just one more Donald Rumsfeld meltdown.
11. The voters of Senate District 10 come to their senses and show Ronda Storms the door. Her attacks on pro-life, pro-gun Gorham as being secretly controlled by a vast liberal conspiracy are easily the most laughably inaccurate of the year.
12. Mark Foley return from rehab in Arizona — tanned, rested and ready — just in time to stump extensively in his old district for the Grand Old Party.
13. Doug Belden and Buddy Johnson get together for a drinking and stock-tip swapping session with several girls from the Mons.
14. Pinellas County's cities stop spending tax dollars for lawyers to fight against the charter review referendum and instead spend that money to build sidewalks near schools, hire a cop to make a neighborhood safer or erect a new playground in a municipal park.
15. A horrible fire rip through the Post Office, destroying all of the campaign brochures meant for my mailbox but injuring no one.
16. No one mention gay marriage.
17. No one mention tax increases or tax decreases.
18. That Rod Smith helicopter, just one more time.
19. "No" on Amendment 3.
20. "Yes" on Amendment 4.
21. Joe Redner pull the upset of the year and get seated next to Brian Blair when the Hillsborough County Commission convenes in the new year.
22. Dick Cheney descend back into his bunker-in-a-undisclosed-location for another year now that he has done his election duty in firing up "the base."
23. Air America finally just fold up shop.
24. The start of the Rudy vs. Obama 2008 presidential campaign.
25. Somebody with the temerity to say: The Republicans have betrayed their own ideology by blowing up the national debt, failing to cut government spending, ignoring immigration and totally screwing up the War on Terror. The Democrats don't offer an alternative, continuing to struggle with a coherent philosophy, torn by competing factions who can't even decide if they like or dislike the Iraq War. And once again, money and shadow organizations (special interests, corporations and various ideological nutjobs on both ends of the spectrum) have set the agenda for an American election. They are the real winners.
AN ADDENDUM to my column two weeks ago about how sleepy the campaign coverage has been. To make a point, I highlighted the Redner-Jim Norman-Yamel Arronte race for Hillsborough County Commission, referring to Arronte as a hot-looking candidate — well, okay, I called her "a Third-Party MILF."
And she is. But in revisiting the column in my mind, I realized I didn't go beyond that description to say how surprised I was when I met her to find a well-informed and serious candidate — if a very inexperienced politician — who deserves more attention than she got during this campaign. We talked about the issues of growth, transportation and trust for a good 20 minutes before a Tiger Bay meeting.
Without that clarification, I'm afraid some of you may have formed the impression that I wanted to demean her abilities by referring only to her looks. Sorry.
