Good morning. Tonight's the night — got your snacks? Red or blue pennants? Cheap bourbon for whatever drinking game you've concocted? Chloraseptic for when your throat gets hoarse from yelling at the TV? Good deal. Let's burn through the recap so we can get to practicing our studied rhetoric explaining why worse bad is worse than bad bad, or whatever.
FRIDAY, SEPT. 23:
An official from the EPA finally visited the site of Mosaic's disastrous sinkhole. For the first time. Nearly a month after it opened. How many eye-rolls does it take to fix an ecological disaster? Somewhere between a bunch and all of 'em, we should find.
This story from Friday about several dogs being injured by rattlesnake bites in Polk County was originally linked under the inaccurate title "Neighbors: Rattlesnakes attacking dogs," and still includes a cutline referencing "snake attacks." Rattlesnakes don't attack anything bigger than a gopher, people. But nice job avoiding responsibility for fearmongering while still achieving it by attributing it to somebody else.
The city of St. Pete is considering sponsorships to help alleviate some of the costs of constructing its new pier. Because nothing says "hip, socially conscious, artistically thriving little city" quite like "Old Navy and Starbucks Present the Crown Hyundai St. Petersburg Pier, Brought to You by Chipotle (with Additional Promotional Consideration Courtesy of Squinty Phil's Bail Bonds)."
SATURDAY, SEPT. 24:
Polk County rapper J. Green was shot in Haines City, and died in a Lakeland hospital. Write it, don't live it, please.
As many as 50 bystanders helped rescue a young accident victim trapped under a flipped SUV along I-75. I can't afford to buy that many people beers at once, but if I run into you guys one or two at a time I could probably get through the whole group by Christmas. Thank you.
SUNDAY, SEPT. 25:
Golf legend Arnold Palmer, a dude so iconic he could make even a non-alcoholic drink named after him cool, passed away at the age of 87. There's definitely a casually insane shoot-out match between him and Snead going on somewhere right now.
And finally, the Bucs lost their season home opener against the Rams 37-32 after an hour-long rain delay temporarily shut down the fourth quarter. They can't even get the local weather to work in their favor.