Welcome to The Most American Day of the Modern Calendar. If you would rather not participate, here are some alternatives to beating your fellow man with a flat-screen TV less than 24 hours after giving thanks for the things that truly give your life meaning.
A boater crashed into two docks and a sailboat, then tried to escape before being stopped. Once again, proof positive that a little bit of boat and whole lot of rum do not automatically make you Captain Jack Sparrow. (Everybody knows it's the guyliner.)
A guy bit off part of another guy's finger during an argument in a Winter Garden restaurant-lounge. Perhaps "restaurant-lounge" is a bit misleading for a venue called Sip N Chat. Perhaps "bar where the kind of people who might chomp your digit during a disagreement congregate, that also serves food" is a more accurate description. Anyway, Sip N Chat, but do not point at Chester while presenting a counterpoint.
And finally, RIP Florence Henderson, '70s America's Level-Headed Mom. We'll miss you, Carol Brady.
