Good morning! I hope it's not too awkward running into that co-worker you had sex with on the copier during your office's Falcon Heavy celebration.
A very rich man who sells flamethrowers launched a car into space on the world's most powerful rocket yesterday afternoon, and America was so grateful to not have to think about its own ongoing slow-motion trainwreck for a minute that it collectively laughed and clapped and jumped up and down like a toddler watching a puppy try to figure out what to do with a baby carrot. Try to remember that feeling when our credit debt has us all in a mining prison on an asteroid, people.
Were you one of many Bay area residents who received a freaking tsunami warning on their phones yesterday morning? The National Weather Service said it was part of a monthly test for the east coast that got screwed up somehow and sent as an actual warning to some areas. What's scarier, that government agencies keep accidentally transmitting apocalyptic notifications to an easily panicked populace, or that the National Weather Service thinks it might need to warn people who live on the shallow-ass bowl of the Gulf of Mexico about an impending tsunami? Indentured servitude in deep space is starting to look pretty good.
And finally, six Bay area municipalities made a company's list of the top ten up-and-coming areas in the nation. The report was weighted by such factors as influx of new residents, housing growth rate and fluctuations in unemployment, and included Largo, St. Pete, Town 'N' Country, Spring Hill, Riverview and Tampa. So basically, the cities and the areas around the cities are getting crowded, and we're supposed to think it's awesome. Well, hopefully by the time we're inevitably priced out of our own communities we'll have the option of shipping out to dig small pieces metal out of a bigger piece of metal hurtling through the icy void. Thanks, Elon Musk!