Dear Roxxie,
My son came home from school and told me he thinks he's in love with his teacher and they've had sex a few times. He's 17 — he'll be 18 in January — and his teacher is his best friend's older sister. She's 22 and they've known each other for 12 years. I'm not asking you if I should give my blessing, because he's 18 and boys will be boys, but I am asking you if we should approach the school administration and ask for their benevolent ignorance.
—Cool Mom
Dear "Cool" Mom,
Yeah, I put the cool part in quotes, because I think you might actually be "batshit crazy mom." I honest-to-fuck don't know where to start with this one, so I'll start with the obvious one: It is never, ever OK to utter the phrase "boys will be boys" in conjunction with sex.
That said, if he cares about this woman, he'll keep it in his fucking pants. Yes, he's 18. Yes, there are extenuating circumstances. Yes, life can be unfair. But also, he's having sex with a teacher. I'm pretty sure that could cost her not only her job, but her career. And, since he's 17, also mean no small amount of scandal for her. This is a fantastic teachable moment, mom: Teach your son that really loving someone doesn't mean ruining her life just as it's getting a start.
Notice I'm not even addressing the implication that she's complicit in this, because you're not her mom. You're his mom. And your son will graduate in a few months, and he and his teacher (ewwwwwww) can fuck 30 ways from Sunday once he crosses the stage at graduation. If he tells you that's too long to wait, remind him that Penelope waited 20 years for Odysseus. If he doesn't know who that is, he needs to pay a different kind of attention to his teachers.
—Roxxie
