The 2011 Grammys: CliffsNotes review by a douchebag

We open with a tribute to Aretha Franklin featuring Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson, Florence Welch of Florence + The Machine, Martina McBride and a black chick who is not Jennifer Hudson. Christina’s mic doesn’t seem to be working properly – a problem that may be due to over-bedazzling. Jennifer Hudson looks and sounds great. Man, she’s lost so much weight. It’s okay, though, because Christina found it for her.

Ricky Martin introduces Lady Gaga singing her “OMG, you guys. This is like JUST like Madonna’s ‘Express Yourself’” new single “Born This Way.” Ricky explains how this is an anthem about being yourself and loving who you are. Don’t bite the closet that clothed you, Ricky. Perhaps “She Bangs” really was about a woman getting a haircut.

So, Gaga…