Are you one of those people who tell others how you "never have time to watch TV" with the intent of communicating that you're too preoccupied being employed reading books, and bettering yourself by learning knowledge and stuff? Well, summertime is here and it's hotter than a billy goat's ass sitting in a pepper patch outside. So, when you find yourself sweating harder than a kitten trying to bury shit on a marble floor and don't want to fuck up that first edition of Ulysses, here's a handy guide jam-packed with excuses (or culturally-relevant justifications, depending on how you see it) for wasting time, including must-watch series and some unique picks guaranteed to keep you entertained all through this hot week of summer. Mr. Robot returns, Vice Principals debuts and Winona Ryder stars in a binge-ready 80s sci-fi throwback thriller premiering on Netflix.
Monday
VH1 Hip Hop Honors: All Hail the Queens After a six-year-long hiatus VHI returns with Hip Hop Honors and pays homage to the first ladies of hip hop who infiltrated the then-male-dominated genre. Musical guests Pharrell, Timbaland, Common, Naughty by Nature, Da Brat, MC Lyte and more pays live tributes to this year’s honorees: Missy Elliot, Queen Latifah, Salt-N-Pepa, and Lil’ Kim. Rapper Eve is set to host the ceremony, which takes place live from New York City. Airs 9 p.m. on VH1.
Making of a Mob: Chicago shows Al Capone in his early days, working in Brooklyn.
Richard Brimer/AMC
Making of the Mob: Chicago The second season of AMC’s docudrama blends archival footage, dramatic scenes, and guest interviews to offers up new insight about the rise and the fall of gangster Al Capone and his successors known as “The Chicago Outfit.” The eight-episode series chronicles Capone from his early days as an accountant Brooklyn to his notorious anti-prohibition bootlegging operations in Chicago. Premieres 10 p.m. on AMC.
New documents reveal more fucked up Nazi dealings in Nazi Secret Files.
Discovery Communications
Nazi Secret Files The six-part series offers up new reasons to hate Hitler by exposing newly-found evidence detailing everything from Nazi collusion with experts on germ warfare to the huge crystal meth drug program that fueled the German blitzkrieg. Series premieres 10 p.m. on the American Heroes Channel.
Billy Eichner and Julie Klausner write and star in Hulu's Difficult People
Ali Goldstein/HULU
Tuesday
Difficult People Author of I Don’t Care About Your Band, creator of podcast How Was Your Week, and writer for shows like Billy on the Street Julie Klausner and Billy on the Street and Parks and Recreation actor Billy Eichner both write and star in this series about two struggling and jaded comedians in New York. As they hate everyone except each other, their negative irreverence lands them in a bunch of awkward and funny situations. Season two premieres 3:01 a.m. on Hulu.
MLB Special: 87th Annual MLB All-Star Game The best players in the league are thrust upon one open field to showcase their talents and compete for home field advantage in the World Series. Airs live from San Diego at 7:30 p.m. on Fox. Pregame coverage begins at 7 p.m.
Sisterhood of Hip Hop Rapper T.I.’s reality music series helps female rap artists succeed in the industry. Veterans Siya, Brianna Derry and Diamond return for the third season along with two new fresh faces: Audra the Rapper, known for her “ratchet soul” style and Philly native Lee Mazin, known for her fresh hip hop and R&B beats. MC Lyte, Irv Gotti, Tank, and Trina offer coaching advice and tough love for the young rappers. Season three premieres 9 p.m. on Oxygen.
Wednesday
2016 Espy Awards John Cena hosts the annual celebration honoring some of the best moments in sports. Presenters include Usher, Dwayne Wade, and more, Tom Brady is up for Best NFL Player, while Stephen Curry and LeBron James are both nominated to win Best Male Athlete. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pays tribute the late Muhammed Ali. Three-hour special event airs 8 p.m. on ABC.
Penn & Teller Aspiring magicians perform their best trick in an attempt to fool the famous Penn and Teller duo who see the performance only once before immediately figuring out how the trick works. Season three features host Alyson Hannigan (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, American Pie). Season premieres at 8 p.m. on The CW.
Suits USA’s high profile legal drama moves away from the corporate law offices in New York City and into prison, where a convicted lawyer finds himself behind bars. Season six airs 9 p.m. on USA.
The A-Word Sundance brings to American audiences an original BBC drama about a five-year-old son recently diagnosed with autism (which starts with an A) and a range of issues his family members find themselves facing, from adultery to aging (which also conveniently start with the letter A). Series premieres 10 p.m. on Sundance.
Mr. Robot Arguably the best show produced by USA and the most technically accurate depiction of hacking culture and lingo, Mr. Robot returns with more geek coder name-dropping and apocalyptic drama. Season two picks up 30 days after the infamous attack on multi-national company EvilCorp, as our cyber-security engineering hot-nerd Eliot, his team of society hackers, and their mysterious leader Mr. Robot face the consequences of the attack and discover the illusion of control. Premieres 10 p.m. on USA.
Black & White Real-life comedian friends and Best Week Ever alums Christian Finnegan and Sherrod Small host a comedy talk show centered around racial jokes. Accompanied by celebrity guests, commentators, sketch acts and social experiments, the show highlights current events and main headlines through the ‘prism’ of race, which they use as a type of comic relief. Premieres 10:30 p.m. on A&E.
Friday
East Los High Like a Latino-American version of Degrassi, Gossip Girl, and Glee, the highly addictive teen series follows young Latino teens growing up in East L.A. where love, dance, sex, and true-to-life drama are mixed together. Season four sends the Bomb Squad dance team cast off to dance camp with a few fresh faces, including Latin pop singer Prince Royce. Season premieres 3:01 a.m. on Hulu.
Tony Robbins is not your guru in the Netflix-released documentary.
Netflix
Tony Robbins: I am not your Guru For the first time ever, Tony Robbins allows a documentary crew to follow him to a seminar in Boca Raton, Florida, where 2500 attendees from around the country experience six life changing days filled with theatrics, blaring dance music, meditation, tears, confessions and laughter. Director Joe Beringer (Paradise Lost series) gives us a glimpse of the inner-workings and theatrics behind Robbins’ events, zealous participants, and the guru himself. Premieres 3:01 a.m. on Netflix.
Winona Ryder stars an 80s sci-fi thriller with lots of E.T. references.
Netflix
Stranger Things Winona Ryder stars in this 1980s sci-fi throwback thriller with wondrous homages to Stephen King and Stephen Spielberg classics of the era including E.T., Stand By Me, Poltergeist and more. Premieres 3:01 a.m. on Netflix.
Secret of the Force Awakens: A Cinematic Journey The hour-long behind-the-scenes documentary created especially for home release DVDs and Blu-Rays filmed before the movie’s theatrical release features footage of table readings emceed by Mark Hamill, the private Disney shareholders meeting when J.J. Abrams was announced as director, the recruitment of replica-building fan hobbyists who painstakingly recreated every detail from older versions of R2-D2, the Millennium Falcon, and more. Airs 8 p.m. on ABC.
Saturday
Premiere Boxing Champions Special From Legacy Arena in Birmingham, Alabama, the third installment of this two-hour PBC special features a long-awaited rematch between undefeated World Champion Deontay Wilder who must defend his title against two-time World Title hallenger Chris Arreola. Premieres 8 p.m. on Fox.
Sunday
Basketball Wives LA Shaunie O'Neal, Tami Roman, Jackie Christie, Malaysia Pargo, Brandi Maxiell and Angel Brinks return with newcomers LaTosha Duffey ("Duffey") and Angel Love for a fifth season of ball-busting drama. Season five premieres 9 p.m. on VH1.
Power Starz’s most-watched series comes from executive producer Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson’s crime drama about the seductive temptation to, in the true spoken words of 50 Cent, "get' rich or die tryin'" and New York's brutal international drug rings. Season three premieres 9 p.m. on Starz.
Ballers Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson returns for another season in the HBO sports dramedy about retired pro footballer Spencer Strasmore who, despite living a glamorous life in sunny Miami, struggles to find the same success as a financial manager for current players still in the game. Season two premieres 10 p.m. on HBO.
Vice Principals, a new HBO comedy from the creators of Eastbound and Down
Credit: Fred Norris/HBO
Vice Principals The creators of Eastbound and Down release a two-season-only HBO comedy series about high school and the people that almost run it, the vice principals. Danny McBride (Eastbound and Down) and Walter Goggins (Hateful Eight) are two grown man-babies in an epic power struggle to claim the top spot: that is, principal of North Jackson High School. Series premieres 10:30 p.m. on HBO.
Ying Lo has no shame. She eats, sleeps, and shits television all day long. Check out her blog or find her flunking social media @yinglo. Let her tell you how best to binge watch every Monday.
