Before the cock crows

Grindhouse, tsunami in the Solomons, 'American Idol'

MY SWEET LORD
All-chocolate statue of nude crucified Jesus offends some; others ask, "All right, who nibbled off both ears?"

GRINDHOUSE
Buckets of blood, gallons of guts, cheesy storylines, Tarantino, Rodriguez. Not enough for you? How about Rose McGowan with a machine-gun peg leg? Thought so.

HILLARY RAISES $26 MILLION
Buckets of blood, gallons of guts, cheesy storylines ...

PROMISING YOUNG GIRL SPIRALS INTO MENTAL ILLNESS
Trib, Times write the same Sunday 1A stories — about two different dead women.

IORIO VOWS MASS TRANSIT VOTE
County Commission to counter with anti-gay, prohibition-against-transit-taxes, approval-for-$40-million-sports-complex referendum.

TSUNAMI IN THE SOLOMONS
Many dead and missing; Americans don't give a shit since they have no idea where the Solomon Islands are.

DONALD TRUMP VS. VINCE MCMAHON
Loser-has-head-shaved wrestling match outcome was moot: The Donald's hair is impervious to any known blade or substance, 10x harder than diamond.

SANJAYA VS. ANYONE
Loser-keeps-winning controversy is moot: Sanjaya and his hairstyles are impervious to any known logic or talent measure, 10x harder than Cowell.