"Instead of a water chestnut, use veal."

It's hard not to love the New Yorker's Shouts & Murmurs — erudite humor that speaks to the, well, you know, the more-than-common man.

This week features a culinary guide to passive aggressive appetizers perfect for any gathering. Best snippet: "Have you ever noticed how sun-dried tomatoes and top-grade peyote look exactly the same? Not a suggestion, really. Just saying."