Oracle of Ybor: Your boss is probably lashing out at you because their ass is on the line

Dear Oracle, my work life is starting to take up a lot of my psyche and affect my home life. There has been some conflict at my job, mainly with my boss, and I don’t really feel like I have any support in the company. While my boss can lash out at me sometimes, it’s primarily subtle things, like a disagreement over processes that turns combative or snide comments that come out of nowhere and feel hostile. As a result, I end up ruminating on things that have gone wrong or upset me, and it’s starting to taint my home time. How can I set up better psychic boundaries and not have bad days live rent-free in my mind?—Bad Day Blues

Cards: The Empress, Six of Cups, Four of Swords.
Dear BDB, I’ve worked a variety of jobs across a variety of sectors: I’ve been a waitress, a cook, a program coordinator, a bureaucratic pencil pusher, a professor, a teacher, a tutor, a top-seller in both corporate and mom & pop retail, a nanny, a soothsayer, and also a writer.

In my own experience and listening to other people’s stories about toxic workplaces, a truth I have observed is this: incompetent bosses lash out when their own asses are on the line. Either the money is running out, the company is in trouble, their bosses are threatening them, or something is similar is going down.

The good news is that your boss’s behavior is not about you. The Four of Swords means that you need to remove your ego from this situation, which can be challenging to do. You are the one, after all, in the crossfire. But you have to take a step outside yourself and see that the situation is about your boss scrambling for some reason.

The Empress is a card of compassion, control, and a strong sense of self. She is not veiled in mystery like The High Priestess. She is what she is. In this situation, I think it serves you to remind yourself who you are. You’re (Insert full name), goddammit! You are not just some lackey for a boss to kick around. You have interests, abilities, and relationships outside this job. Tend to those.  As you withdraw your ego from your work situation, put it towards your home life. What do you need to shed a bad day from your mind? Is it a run? A three-page brain dump in a journal? Writing down a list of things you’re mad about and then setting it ablaze in a fire-safe container? (Hella cathartic magick, highly recommend.)

Once the day is shed, how do you take care of your mind, body, and soul? The Six of Cups is a card of both childhood nostalgia and dreams. What’s an activity that makes you feel alive or meanders towards a dream? Maybe you dream of playing the piano or designing a video game; after a bad day, what’s something you can do to nestle into that project? Draw for 30 minutes? Learn scales?

While you still may take home some bad days, if you can drop into an activity you love, one that makes you feel wholly like yourself, that can help.

I’m sorry for this nonsense, and I hope you’re able to keep those bad days at bay.

But, if they do keep lashing out, start looking for a new job. The ship is probably sinking, and you don’t deserve to feel trapped below deck.

Dear Oracle, I’m starting to notice that a few of my old and dear friends are pretty judgmental. They may have always been this way, and I’m just noticing, or maybe it’s getting worse with age. Whatever the case, it’s becoming kind of a drag to hang out with them. All they do is bitch about other people or things they don’t like. Any advice on how to navigate this?—Can’t we all just get along?

Cards: Six of Swords (reversed), The Devil, Seven of Pentacles
Dear Get Along, we all go through transitions in our life, some that we notice and others that we don’t. It’s quite possible that your friends have always been this judgmental—and that at one point, you, were too. The Six of Swords is a card of transitions and paired with the reflective Seven of Pentacles, you may have been the one that changed. There is an appreciation in the Seven of Pentacles of a job well done, and you may have become more open-minded or grateful of things as the years passed while your friends have stuck with that old Devil.

While The Devil isn’t necessarily a “bad card,” it can be a card of our base desires and negative feelings. Petty comments and mean-spirited digs are certainly Devil energy, and that reverse of Six of Swords could mean that your friends got stuck there while you floated away.

I do think you’ll have to use a bit more of that Seven of Pentacles optimism when dealing with your friends. See if you can redirect the conversation to things they are doing that they enjoy or admire. Awe is an excellent antidote to cynicism, so talking about experiences or something that they love or moved them might help set the tone of the conversation and keep it buoyed.

It’s also worth noting that people can be judgmental or cynical when they are unhappy. Try to be compassionate towards your old friends and gently see if something is the matter. If there is, they might be feeling vulnerable and unsure where to turn. If you’re up for it, let them know that they can talk to you about what ails them and that you promise to listen without any judgment.

That old Devil is also a strong bond. So if these are old and dear friends, it’s worth it to work through these drags of conversations. Who knows? Maybe they’ll drift towards open-mindedness too.

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