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The Queen of Pentacles in my deck is a queen with a crescent horn headdress, holding a flower close to her face as she gazes down, holding her billowing robes.
Cards for root cause: Queen of Pentacles, The World reversed, Four of Cup , Eight of Wands
Cards to Stop: Page of Cups, The Seeker, Ten of Wands
Dear SST, When I draw cards for a question, I do it with my eyes closed, flipping each card so I can see the whole picture when I open my eyes. For your first question, I intended to have one card on top and three underneath with quite a bit of space between them.
But, when I opened my eyes, the layout wasn’t what I intended. The top card, The Queen of Pentacles, was border to border with The World reversed, and it was striking to see them together.
The Queen of Pentacles in my deck is a queen with a crescent horn headdress, holding a flower close to her face as she gazes down, holding her billowing robes.
The World is an Angel whose wings hook like a moon, belly full with child, whose hand is close to her face while she looks upward.
Together, they had a near-perfect symmetry, with shapes and images mirroring each other. But, more importantly, the two women were looking at each other, sightlines matched.
Honestly, it was a little spooky.
I’m telling you this because I think these two cards are meant to be read as one.
I think you’re a generous person, a caretaker, and a giver, and this is something that is both natural to you and something that feels like a vocation or a higher duty. It is something you do not because you are asked to but because it’s rooted in your soul, and you are driven to it. The World is the last of the Major Arcana, making it the end, but with her pregnant belly, it’s also the beginning. When paired with the generous and giving Queen of Pentacles, I read it as The Great Mother, of Isis and Mary and Sophia. This is the archetype I believe that’s a part of your Anima (Jungian-ly speaking) and something that guides you.
But, as much as this Divine Feminine drives you, you are human, and you do not forgive yourself for that “fault.”
You are disappointed at what you’re able to give and believe you should be giving more. That’s the Four of Cups telling you you’re a disappointment and keeping you trapped in that loop.
You talk shit to yourself and think that you can do better than this if you do X or if you start trying Y, but then, with the Eight of Wands, life just keeps happening.
Challenges keep coming, and burdens rain down, and you go back to that Four of Cups feeling trapped and disappointed because you know you can do better, you know that you can give more to those that depend on you, and never feel satisfied that you have given so much because you are ever haunted by the feeling of “more” so you tell yourself to get it together and try harder and then life throws something else at you and it repeats, and it repeats, and it repeats, and you tell yourself again and again that you should be doing more and more, and you try, and you try, and you try, but you are human, my love, you are human.
And that voice in your head, egged on by the Four of Cups, is a rude little shit and not telling you the truth. You are not a disappointment. You are doing all you can.
I’m glad you want to break out of this because it’s awful to have your own mind undermine and rob you of the joy and pride of accomplishment.
The Ten of Wands tell us that this will take time and it will be hard.
If anyone were to ask me what to do about negative self-talk or intrusive thoughts, I would suggest speaking to a therapist if possible.
I want to stress that I am not a therapist—I’m a Pythia who’s sort of a professional patient at this point—and a mental health professional would be able to give you concert strategies that I simply can’t.
However, with these specific cards, I think having a spiritual practice coupled with therapy might serve you. (“Psyche” does mean soul, after all.)
My deck (Uusi’s “Pagan Otherworlds”) has an extra Major Arcana card, The Seeker, which shows a man crossing through a dome around the earth to the stars, like the Flammarion engraving. It’s a card of piercing through the veil and seeking the ineffable. The Seeker is meant to be a talisman for the asker as you go through this spiritual path, a metaphysical equivalent to The Fool.
The Seeker comes here with the Page of Cups, a baby Male Venus of creativity and love. I do think love is the heavy-hitter that will help you. It might come by working with a therapist to practice radical self-compassion or to recognize the love that you are already giving, and to help you realize why you’re so hard on yourself.
I also think love, in a creative way, may help, too. You might want to check out some Sufi poets, particularly the book-length poem, “Conference of The Birds,” by Farid ud-din Attar, which discusses all the “faults” that make us terribly human.
You might also approach this from a creative standpoint, possibly with an art or music therapist or through your own art.
However you decided to tackle this, my dear, I hope you’re able to find relief from the shit-talk sooner than later. You got that Anima Mundi in you, the world soul. You’re an important person here on this planet and your kindness is a strength that is sorely needed.
Thank you for trusting me with your question
