Happy Donald Trump Is In Town Today Day! It's a day ripe with possibilities — chief among them being the possibility that having one more New York City blowhard in town will have little to no effect on your weekend.
After 41 days, the occupation of Oregon's Malheur National Wildlife Refuge by some gun-toting folks with a few weird ideas about whether or not the federal government can own property is over. Of course, this unsexy standoff starring what many coastal Americans considered idiotic hayseeds has been over in the minds of those Americans for weeks now, and that's precisely what makes it so important: The next group of "patriots" to do something radical will have learned from Malheur — and by "learned from," I mean "decided to kill somebody to show they're serious."
Speaking of standoffs, here's the most vague non-story ever about a Spring Hill man barricading himself in his home, then surrendering to a SWAT team. In Spring Hill, even the police standoffs are just kind of whatever. We're pretty sure some of the cops still think it was an exercise.
And finally, a record-holding former USF football star was arrested for his part in a brawl at Somethin' Different, a bar in St. Pete's Grand Central District about which some white locals are loath to complain for fear of sounding racist. Shitheads come in all the united colors of Benetton, people.
This article appears in Feb 11-17, 2016.