The time has come for you to step up and ask yourself what kind of world you want to live in. You know, just so you can kinda gauge what you're gonna be in for, disappointment-wise.
The Florida Senate narrowly passed the "whiskey and Wheaties" bill that would allow liquor sales inside grocery stores and other retailers selling beer and wine. Those Publix in-store tasting demos are about to turn into that particular kind of '70s dinner party where the entire meal never actually makes it to the table.
Lakeland cops are searching for a 20-year-old woman who stole the identity of another woman and used it to secure credit for a boob job and butt lift. The response to calls for community volunteers to be on the lookout for her has been… enthusiastic.
Tampa police arrested a man with more than 1,000 tires laying around his property for felony littering. Jesus. Were the neighbors just waiting to make absolutely sure the dude would qualify for a felony? "He's at 600 fucking tires, can we call the cops yet?" "Hold on, just nearly that same amount again to go."
And finally, census data shows that the Tampa Bay area experienced the 4th highest population growth in the country during 2016. Those who found the region to be an attractive destination cited proximity to beaches and colleges, walkable and culturally active urban cores, and the chance to die slowly and peacefully of exposure on one of our lovely lengthy bridges while waiting for traffic to move.
This article appears in Mar 23-30, 2017.