Adventures in Weekending: 10 things to do inside this weekend

As if there were 10 events still happening in Tampa Bay this weekend, right? Music editor Ray Roa suggested I call this week's column "Adventures in Weekending: Stay the fuck inside" — but I'm pretty sure by Saturday night we're not going to need to tell you that.

If you don't evacuate and intend to ride out the storm — as do I — here's some hurricane-related stuff to do to take your mind off whether that laurel oak can withstand a good banana wind. Before we start, though, it's not a bad idea to charge everything — phone, laptop, iPad/tablet, etc., and invest on a power inverter for your car if you don't have one — that way you can charge your stuff after the storm, and so long as there's cell service, you can always use a hotspot to stream movies. 

1. Cook while you can. 

   

   There's a chance we'll lose power. I'm making pasta salad with protein and veggies, because I can eat it cold without gagging. If we don't lose power, hey, you have lunches and dinner for next week. Think smoked salmon with cream cheese and capers, gazpacho, things like that. 
2. If storms make you want to curl up with a bottle of red wine, a pizza and watch old movies, you could watch Key Largo.

   

   Tip: you can also rent it or buy it from iTunes — same price as Amazon, but if you want to laugh and like (sorta) rom-coms, watch Forces of Nature with Ben Affleck, Sandra Bullock, Maura Tierney — and Richard Faiman and Janet Caroll as Affleck's parents. Same price; less expensive on iTunes if you don't want HD, free on Hulu and Amazon with Showtime subscription (a seven-day free trial should take you through the storm). 
   
3. Of course, if you're into Shakespeare, this is the perfect weekend to read or watch The Tempest.

   

   Hey, the book's free. Not into reading plays? You can rent or buy the 2010 version (with Helen Mirren and directed by Julie Taymor) on Amazon or iTunes (again, same price unless you don't mind SD, in which case iTunes costs less); watch a true-to-the-play version for free with Amazon Prime; rent or buy the 2010 stage production with Christopher Plummer on iTunes; or, hell, watch any one of the many other versions on Amazon Prime. 
4. If you really, really want to laugh about hurricanes, read Stormy Weather, in which Skink ties himself to the Card Sound Bridge.

   

    Kindle and iBooks, same price. If you're looking for a good book about hurricanes but don't want to read non-fiction, check out Their Eyes Were Watching God. Zora Neale Hurston wrote this about the 1928 hurricane. It's fiction, but based on a quite-real story. If you have nerves of steel, read Eliot Kleinberg's Black Cloud. This is the true story of the 1928 hurricane and it's beautifully written but wildly tragic. It's also possibly playing out once again this weekend. For you truly sadistic bastards, watch or read Perfect Storm.
5. If you want to feel better — as in, hey, at least there aren't sharks falling from the sky and I could be Tara Reid, watch Sharknado.

   

   Any of 'em, or all of 'em. Nope, not hurricane-related. There's no way you can watch these and not groan or laugh, which is tons better than worrying about something that's likely out of your control.
6. Play some board games, or Cards Against Humanity.

   

   Seriously, when's the last time you played Taboo — or solitaire with actual playing cards?
7. Hurricane sex.

   

   'Nuff said.
8. Catch up on all those Pinterest projects you've wanted to try.

   

   I speak from experience: the beach glass/Mod-Podge thing works.
9. Download Zello and find neighbors and friends who have it as well.

   

   Do not call Duke Energy or TECO when the power goes out. They know. Calling won't get it back on sooner. Feel free to call Spectrum as often as you'd like, though, and pester them to set up free hotspots like Comcast has done in South Florida. While you're at it, call your friends and relatives up north and assure them you're still alive. 
10. Breathe. Be smart. Get some sleep. It will be over when it's over.

Contact Cathy Salustri.

This article appears in Sep 7-14, 2017.