Look, if you love the races ripping through DTSP this weekend, good on ya, mate.
I don't. I hate everything about it — the way it's next to impossible to get anywhere downtown, the ceaseless drone of the engines for the practice runs that are actually worse than the race itself, the "God, Rush and the NRA" crowd that storms our otherwise progressive city, the senseless display of our dependence on oil and allegiance to our small penises (penii?)… you get the idea.
So, in the sense of fairness, since we ran a blurb about the race in our Do This section of the print Creative Loafing (y'all know we have a physical paper, right?), I'm running ways you can enjoy our gorgeous city by the sea without getting near the races. You're welcome.
So, let's all head to the West Side this weekend. Here's why: Contrary to what every other press release coming out of city hall may lead you to think, we have a ton of great stuff happening on the west side of town, and no, I don't mean the new Dick's Sporting Goods.
1. Alesia
Alesia's stunning dinners make every time I've eaten there a delight. Cheese platter, raw honeycomb and oh my sweet seven-pound, four-ounce baby Jesus, the Pho. They even have a Saturday brunch, people. Brunch. 7204 Central Ave. N., St. Pete 727-345-9701, alesiarestaurant.com.
Chef Lauren Macellaro landed a nom for the James Beard Award, an incredible honor and an excellent reason to eat there (especially if you haven't already!). Actually, you don't need any other reason to eat there. 6001 Central Ave., St. Pete. 727-343-0052, rrstpete.com.
Hey, if it seems like I'm hitting the food pretty heavy, that's because I don't think the restos on the West Side get enough credit. JPT is owned by the same peeps who own Old Northeast Tavern, with more space, a better bar, dog-friendly dining and board games. If they put in a hot tub I'd probably never leave. Also, the dock was the place to hang out after curfew in high school. 1700 Park St. N., St. Pete. 727-914-7776, jptavern.com.
OK, so historians know this wasn't the actual landing spot of Panfilo de Narvaez — actually, they don't know that but they do know that, after sorting through all kinds of records, it's pretty much impossible to pinpoint exactly where the wacky Spaniard landed along the coast. But the park is pretty cool, along with its mounds (think Tocobaga trash heaps, but people still love them some mounds). Park St. N. & Elbow Lane N., St. Pete. Learn more.
5. Sacred Lands
The Anderson family owns the part of the park that has an archaeological site on it. You know the Andersons because they own Anderson Lumber on 49th St. S., which I think is the oldest lumber yard in Pinellas County. Every Sunday at 4 p.m., they give tours. Take one. 1700 Park St. N., St. Pete. 727-347-0354. Learn more.
I have it on good authority Blake's Crab Cakes serves some of the best crab cakes this side Chesapeake Bay. On occasion, they even make gluten-free batches. 7224 Central Ave., St. Pete. 727-289-2322. Learn more.
I'll admit, I'm old enough to be charmed by latte art. Craft Kafe is hosting a throwdown, which is apparently not a Christopher Guest mockumentary (yet!) but a hardcore competition among local baristas. 6653 Central Ave., St. Pete. Mar. 10, 7 p.m. 717-914-7443. Learn more.
There's more: explore and find the peacocks — they're there, but you gotta look — or check out Williams Sub Shop in Tyrone. And, hey, when you're done with all that, sneak on over to the Garden Club and watch the sunset. You won't even hear the racecars, I promise.
Cathy Salustri is the arts + entertainment editor. Contact her here.
This article appears in Mar 8-15, 2018.