I still laugh at that. You know what you don't have? Arts and Entertainment emergencies. No one calls me at 3 a.m. because there's breaking art news.
Kate went to six Trump rallies in something like two weeks. You know what I did? I wrote about art. I went to a book club. I walked through Paradise Cities at the Morean. I agreed to judge a dog costume contest.
So what do you think — do I miss news?
Like a tumor, you guys. That's how I miss it.
Hey, let's all pretend we have someone else worrying about the elections for us this weekend, right? I mean, come Tuesday, you gotta go vote, but guys, until then? Let's weekend like a weekly journalist who took a job as the A&E editor at the best damn paper and doesn't get 3 a.m. phone calls about dead people anymore, 'k?
Friday
Grab dinner at Stillwaters, then laugh at fictional political woes with Tartuffe and then head to Wine Madonna for a flight of wine (I suggest the $16 one).
Saturday
Check out Matzevot for Everyday Use. Goddammit, this makes me physically ill. Caitlin Albritton did an amazing fucking job showing her disgust, and it's not even a little funny that days before we published her writeup of this some asshole smashed his way in to the museum. #JewPride may not be a hashtag, and I may not be a legit Jew, but sweet mother or Mary, what's wrong with us?
If you're hungry after that, grab lunch at El Gallo Grande, which means "the big rooster", and then head to Ybor to check out a rooster-themed art exhibit, The Roostercrats vs. The Ybor Squawkers. Also worth checking out: Art on 12th Art Festival in Washington Street Park.
Saturday night — as long as you're hanging Tampa-side — grab a burger at District Tavern and check out one of the last nights for Lizzie, a rock musical at the Straz Center.
Sunday
Sunday? How about brunch-day? I'm looking for a new place, but until I find one I can brunch my ass off at Red Mesa in north St. Pete. See you there?
Buckle up after that, because no matter what happens Tuesday, next week's going to be a bitch.
This article appears in Nov 3-10, 2016.