I'm really lucky I don't have kids. I mean, it's not luck — it's a lot of hard work and a little elective day surgery. Point is, I can't raise a dachshund not to be spoiled — and I don't want to — so I figure any kids I had would not have fared well at my knee, in terms of eventually adulting. Also, I have way more fun with my dogs than I would with kids. You can't, for example, let a kid ride in your lap when you're driving to South Carolina, which I'm doing this weekend. Calypso loves to ride in the car, so long as she can sit on my lap and make "nose art" on the window.
She loves South Carolina, too. They have a rule up here that in the off-season (after Labor Day), dogs can go on the beach all day. In season, they have to be off by 10 a.m. and not back until after 5 p.m. We're one week past Labor Day, so in addition to the super-long car ride (it's 49 hours in dachshund time), Calypso has lots of rolling in sand and dead fish in her immediate future. You totally cannot let a kid roll in dead fish. I think.
While we're searching for new and exciting lowcountry smells, it's your job to hold down the fort, Loafers. So go ahead, weekend like you're a spoiled dachshund. You've earned it. Just wash the fish smell off when you Sunday night comes, OK?
Friday
Take a self-guided walking tour of Roser Park.
Go BIG! or go home at Bloom.
Check out the free wine tastings at Total Wine.
Saturday
Go see The Underpants at Jobsite Theater
Take an adults-only night hike at Boyd Hill Nature Preserve.
Check out the free Pinellas Maker and Comic Con.
Taste the heat at the I Like it Hot! Festival
Sip and appreciate the art at the Tampa Bay Coffee & Art Festival
Improve your vinyl collection at the Clearwater Record Show.
Sunday
End the weekend with a fundraiser for all the dachshunds (and other pets) who aren't healthy enough to roll in dead things at Bubbly and Benedicts.
This article appears in Sep 8-15, 2016.