Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger have broken up. No word yet on the reason for their split but my money is on, "He realized that she is a crappy actress and looks like a gnome"… but who knows.

Just moments after her breakup with that one Jonas Brother, Twilight's Ashley Greene has been spotted with Jared Followill of Kings of Leon. That, my friends, is what I call an upgrade.

A young brunette celebrity is said to be the star of a video filled with cocaine, $100 bills, booze, racial slurs and annoying banter. So, who could it be? The obvious guess is Demi Lovato, as a scandal like this was alluded to late last year on radaronline.com. Let's explore some other options, though. Could it be Kristin Stewart? She looks a little coked out and clearly doesn't give a s*** about anything. Oh No They Didn't claims that it is two girls from the Jonas Brothers' show on Disney, Nicole Anderson and Chelsea Staub… I care slightly less now, but their moms are gonna be real mad.

Seriously, this has been bothering me all week. Is Ke$ha really like, Kirstie Alley-style fat or is that just a bad bikini? I'm losing sleep over this. Someone, please advise.

Dear Vanessa Hudgens, delete all the naked pictures you have of yourself because as we know (for the second time), the internet will find them. We get that you are hot and if you need to remind yourself, use a mirror. You are dating the Biebs now… clean it up, girl.

This article appears in Mar 17-23, 2011.