I have been gone for a few weeks, battling the blizzard of 2010 — and, on a related note, the woman at the Southwest airlines counter at TPA — and then the flu of 2011. It has been a rough few weeks but at least I am not a celebrity. We have had break-ups, move-ins, boob jobs and the opposite, engagements that will surely end in divorce and nakedness. Merry belated Christmakkuh, loyal readers, here is a supersized AltDotPop, just for you.

Mr. Courteney Cox, David Arquette, has entered rehab. Most likely he will focus on being a non-douche. This program was originally developed for reality stars Charlie Sheen and Brandon Davis, but due to David's high level of "being a jerkface McGee" lately, he has been accepted into the program.

Victoria Beckham, aka "Posh Spice" which I think should be her name forever so she never forgets her very very embarrassing roots, got her ginormous boobs reduced. LeAnn Rimes took the transfer of silicone energy and got herself a C-cup. They both look better; balance exists in the middle of all this madness.

Snooki is ashamed of her past, when she was blacking out in trash cans and what-not. If she stops doing that, the Jersey Shore is going to be way boring this season.

More craziness after the jump, including LiLo's new housing arrangement, what it's really like in the Playboy Mansion, my reaction to Macaulay Culkin's relationship status and more.

This article appears in Jan 6-12, 2011.