Last night saw the return of the food-related reality TV season with the Food Network's Next Food Star Challenge.
The opener was less dreary than expected, with a surprisingly challenging wedding catering shindig to anchor the episode. Considering how superficial the entire Food TV experience is, here are my thoughts about the contestants, along with official Eat My Florida Odds on who makes the final 3 –
- Rory – Did she buy those top teeth for Halloween? Giant and glowing with an inner light, those teeth could have a show all by themselves. (Psst, get your own agent, teeth. Screw Rory!) Perhaps they'll take over for Sandra Lee… (100 to1)
- JAG – Your no-nonsense Marine sensibilities will get you far in life. Sadly, that, combined with the fact that you can cook, probably will disqualify you from a Food TV show. (2-1)
- Tom – Tell me you wouldn't have served the polenta anyway, if the cameras hadn't been on you. Fuggedaboutit. (10-1)
- Paul – What's with the Survivor-esque way you let the other team hang themselves (see polenta above)? That's not how the Food Network wants to appear. Maybe they'll offer you a job in programming. (8-1)
- Nikki – Two words: pink suit? What was up with that monstrosity? And the clown boots? Going for the sympathy vote? (50-1)
- Colombe – Cute and soft spoken, but can't add at grocery store. She fits right in. (8-1)
- Michael – Tell me you wouldn't have told Tom to serve the polenta anyway, if the cameras hadn't been rolling. That's what 90% of the chefs out there would have done, so I don't blame you. (10-1)
- Adrien – Were you in the episode? Who is this guy? (20-1)
- Amy – Je m'appelle Amy. Je t'aime Paris! Good leader, though. (2-1)
Be sure to tune in for the vastly superior Hell's Kitchen, starting tonight on Fox. Je m'appelle Brian. Je t'aime Gordon Ramsay.
This article appears in May 30 – Jun 5, 2007.