- Raymond James Stadium: Sports arena or portal to Hell?
Happy Halloween, Tampa Sports Fans. Did you know that Raymond James Stadium absolutely loves this deliciously evil holiday? Every time I stumble in, literally thousands (okay, hundreds) of fans collectively yell, "BOO!", scaring the crap out of me and making me spill my terrifyingly expensive beer on my frighteningly filthy flip-flops. Then throughout the game, I hear the agonizing groans of zombies, the pulse-pounding profanity spewing from vomit-soaked fans clearly possessed by the devil and getting all compelled by the power of Christ and stuff, and the booming voice of Satan himself over the PA piercing our ears with the hellish chant, "4th down...4th down...4th down...redrum...". Howl-O-Scream ain't got nuthin' on Sundays at RayJay. And don't even get me started on the locker room showers.
Speaking of zombies, Ex-Buccaneer quarterback Josh Freeman's career resembled an extra in Michael Jackson's "Thriller" video minus the coordination when he debuted on Monday Night Football as a Viking last week. The man with a permanent Walking Dead stare in the pocket overthrew 16 passes in a loss to the Giants, setting a record dating back at least eight seasons when some egghead decided it was a statistic worth keeping track of. Way to make the books, Josh. A couple of days later, somebody conveniently decided he had a concussion and benched him, spawning controversy from at least one ex-NFL safety.
"I can't say that I believe he has a concussion...it just seems like a convenient excuse to get out of a situation," said four time All-Pro and two-time Super Bowl Champion safety Rodney Harrison.
"I mean, how the hell can you tell if he has one in the first place? Hadn't anybody considered he talks like that all the time?" (Gotcha. The second statement was mine.)
Meanwhile, back at One MRSA Place, Buccaneer receiver Mike Williams joined the ranks of the undead and is out for the season. As a result, careers rise from the grave of the likes of names like Owusu, Page and Shepard. So, make sure you start them on your fantasy team this week. Sunday's game at 7-1 Seattle is going to make Candy Corns and Milky Ways look like raisins and an unwrapped popcorn ball held together by God-knows-what covered in cat fur...at least I hope it's cat fur.
Hey, look at this. The 8-4 Lightning had their three-game winning streak snapped by the...wait for it...the Devils of New Jersey (or Hell) Tuesday night. Pretty freaky, eh? Seriously, I had absolutely nothing clever to say about it except for the fact that it's Halloween and the Boltz played the freaking Devils. The Devils! The story practically wrote itself. How could I not mention this? Besides, if you thought of David Puddy from Seinfeld at any time, it was totally worth it. I regret nothing.
Speaking of evil, for those of you who decided baseball season was over once the Rays were bounced from the playoffs, the Boston Red Sucks won the World Series.