Dead horse alert! I miss football. So, with the season just seven short months away, we begin with our beloved can't-go-anywhere-but-up Bucs. Don't worry, PETA. Mr. Ed can't feel a thing (kick, kick, kick). Wait, why the hell are you reading a sports article? Are you lost? Shouldn't you be at an anti-Raid rally with a sign that says "Roaches should be smoked, not choked" or something? Beat it, your B.O. is seeping through the computer (kick, kick, kick...).
Unless you're independently wealthy or just a rabid anti-gambling twerp, you've purchased a lottery ticket or two in your lifetime. For me, the days leading up to the drawing are one of life's little pleasures. A brief time of endless possibilities. Sure, you know you won't win...but you might. Rationally, you know deep down that the odds are slightly higher than banging a Victoria's Secret model in a champagne bath on New Year's Eve watching your favorite team on an 80-inch plasma screen...on the moon, but not as high as TWO models at once. I mean, that's just ridiculous. You hold the ticket in your hand, actually hear yourself say, "Them some good-looking numbers...evenly spaced...yep, looks like a winner," then fall helplessly into the subsequent fantasy week.
"First thing I'm gonna do is pay off the house, no wait. Kick my boss in the coin purse, and then pay off the house. Then I'm gonna get my car washed... deluxe. Not just that rinsing shit. De...luxe. Then spend my free time watching my DVR. It's like, stacked with stuff." (What, what'd I say? Too big?)
Now replace the freshly printed numbers on your quick-pick with the newly completed Buccaneers coaching staff. Here's your ticket. Good luck.
Let's see here, okay high number, Greg Schiano. Strong, disciplined, leader....not bad.
Number from the Giants (OC- Mike Sullivan, Eli's former QB coach), that there looks like a winning number.
Six coaches from Rutgers? Ooh, those numbers look a little too close together.
Another high number (Assistant head/defensive/adviser but certainly not officially defensive coordinator Butch Davis).
Couple wild cards (LB coach Bryan Cox and RB coach Earnest Byner).
Then there's...oh dear God, even I'm getting bored with this metaphor now. You get the idea. You stare at the numbers and you pretend you know whether or not the combination is a winning combination, yet you just...don't...know. But until September? Every ticket is a potential winner. But to be safe, you better go to work tomorrow.
