Bill's Sports Binge: Pitchers and catchers punch the clock, the lockout crock, and a loogie hocked

[image-1]Quicker Hits: Pitchers and catchers meet! Soon Garza, Soriano, Benoit, Bartlett, Pena, Crawford and Balfour will be back! (in another uniform); Apparently upset with his play, Tiger Woods hocked a lung cookie right on the green at the Dubai Desert Classic (If he loved the sport he would have swallowed); Finally, Orlando Magic guard Gilbert Arenas was served with child support papers...at halftime of a game with the Wizards (any of these athletes ever heard of pulling out and ruining her shirt just once?)

Football's over, baseball barely called roll and March Madness isn't even in it's "I taste pennies" phase. We're in the proverbial eye of the sports hurricane, people and right now my bellybutton lint seems more exciting than the current goings-on. How's that for a lead in? This is why I suck at sales.

When millionaires and billionaires duke it out, it's like Godzilla and Gamera. Cheesy, fake, people speak a different language and the city is blown to shit no matter who wins. So goes the NFL looming lockout scenario.

Q: What do you call a group that wants to get paid more money?

A: Everybody

Bottom line, the owners want to pay the players less and the players want things to stay the same. For more details, please consult another website. Do not attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery after reading. If I had to pick sides, I'll take the owners. I'm not rooting for them, but they own the joint. Bosses aren't meant to be loved, understood, or even respected. But they run the business and sign your checks. And if they call you into their office and say they're cutting your salary, you deal with it. Sure it sucks donkey balls. But nobody else makes more than their employers. Don't like it? What was your minor in college? Not all players have an "aggressive and tenacious" alternative. Be thankful you're not checking ID's at The Blue Martini and go to work.

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