after an exciting and exhausting series against the Red Sux by beating Toronto 6-2 Monday night and all anybody from ESPN to TBO wants to talk about is the piss-poor attendance.

Forget about the huge crowds all weekend, forget about the fact that it's an awful stadium in a crappy location and kills in TV ratings; forget about the fact that this team is so new that folks who "grew up watching the Rays" are still not old enough to drive; forget about the fact that there's simply not as many Canucks as there are stubborn, stupid, loud, obnoxious, arrogant, ignorant, pale, fat, lard-eating, wife-beating, high-school-not-completing Red Sox fans living amongst us to fill the seats; forget about the fact that it's Monday f*****g night and there's another one tonight. Where are you, Rays fans? Wah!

We all know why there's attendance issues here. Stop asking. You're not impressing anyone. In what marketing class does it suggest that, to generate excitement in the community, berate and bully the customer into coming to your broken-down venue in the middle of nowhere? I can see the billboard now:

Rays baseball: Come over and have fun now you rotten bastards, or we'll move

Cut me a break, it's a school night. Admit it. Which sounds better?

"Rays win! Where's the car?"

"Rays win! Where's the remote?"

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This article appears in Aug 26 – Sep 1, 2010.