Bill's Sports Binge: Rays title brief, Viking fan relief and a parent story beyond belief

[image-1]Brett Favre denies texting Vikings of his retirement and declares that he will play if healthy (You mean ESPN got a story wrong? I don't know what to believe anymore. Dogs and cats living together can't be far behind); Philadelphia Eagles owner, Jeffrey Lurie said Michael Vick's "mistake" was one of judgment, not of any wrongdoing (Hey Captain Duh, #1: Everything is a judgment call, and #2: Walking out of the men's room with your fly open is a "mistake;" Hangin' with gun-toting thugs is criminal and a violation of parole. Ah, semantics); NFL Commish Roger Goodell is pleased with steps Ben Roethlisberger has taken since his punishment and plans to visit the rapist quarterback soon to decide whether to reduce his suspension from six to four games (No rapes this week? Who's a good boy? Someone has earned himself a cookie. Now get outta here, ya knucklehead); and a 20-parent brawl broke out at a preschool in Victorville, California during a Kindergarten graduation ceremony over a Facebook post about the L.A. Lakers (please take a moment to let that sink in). Doesn't it give you a warm and peaceful feeling all over to know that any one of these 20 walking condom-ads can cancel your vote in November?

If it had gone 14 innings I would have had to get my ass out of bed and head to the Trop to pitch. The Rays finally made the game watchable when Evan Longoria scored the only run in the 9th to end the 1-0 shut-out threat. But in the end, the only difference it made was fans got one less hour of sleep after ex-(Devil)Ray Delmon Young hit an RBI single in the 13th to nail it shut. Rays lose. What's worse? Yankees win. Number one was fun while it lasted. Insult to injury? Yankee 3rd baseman A-Hole finally got his 600th homerun. At the press conference, he said he couldn't have done it without his best friends, money, Madonna, modern science and himself. The good news? A common side-effect of steroids is testicles the size of BB's. Oh, and the Red Sox got the shit beat out of them by the Indians 9-1. There's that smile.

Practice heroes. Wednesday morning Buccaneer training camp concluded with a goal-line drill which is about as close to game time conditions as you can get in early August minus the 8-dollar beers and obligatory Favre-jersey-wearing douche. Flip and Bill (hey, that's me) of The Grind were podcasting just a few yards away from what many agreed was about as insanely fired up a drill anyone, fans, coaches, players, jock-sniffing press-weasels has ever seen. More than once I caught myself giving a double-take to a fella jumping in the melee with perplexing exuberance after a particularly brutal defensive stop. Hey that's Coach Morris, I finally realized. Three thoughts randomly raced through my head.

1. Head coach or not, this dude has major bias for the defense.

2. He doesn't act like a head coach to me.

3. A cold beer would be really friendly right about now.

Mind you, none of these are criticisms, just quick observations with no conclusions. Like the one immediately following them that my pants look like I just wet'em. Did I mention how hot it was?

Quicker Hits:

Scroll to read more Sports & Recreation articles

Newsletters

Join Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.