: Somebody forgot to tell Durham Bull pitcher Jeremy Hellickson he was in the big show Monday night because not only was the kid nails from the first batter to the last in his debut, but the 23-year-old's demeanor was cucumber-cool even in the middle innings as he pitched himself out of trouble like he was asking Matt Garza for a pinch of Skoal.

Rays fans were given the equivalent of a Baskin Robbins taste-spoon of Hellickson in the 4-2 victory over the Twins before he grabbed his toothbrush and headed back to Triple-A; we will most likely have to wait until September for a cone. Well done, kid. See you soon. Real soon. Now get your butt to bed, it's way past your bedtime, young man. No TV.

Schadenfreude; My favorite German phrase which essentially describes the guilty pleasure one feels from the misfortunes of others, from applause when a waitress drops a tray full of dishes (by the way, you're not funny if you do that), to giggling at the headline: Cast of Jersey Shore dies in tragic tanning bed malfunction (What, I can dream, can't I?). That said, a Rays win always feels just a scosche more awesome when you read that somewhere else the Yankees lost. Well, the Yankees lost. The Rays are now tied for first place. Oh, and by the way? A-Rod went hitless. Again. In Yankee Stadium. You're smiling, aren't you? It's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person. Laughing at Two and a Half Men makes you a bad person.

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This article appears in Jul 29 – Aug 4, 2010.