Ah, the holidays — a time for relaxing with family, sipping spiked egg nog and basking in the delectable smell of fresh cookies baking in the oven.
Yeah, right.
In 2017, regardless of your religion or personal beliefs, celebrating Christmas, Hanukah or Kwanza with loved ones is more likely akin to a survival contest than an actual vacation. As politics continue to divide friends, relatives desperately try to avoid being laid off and the new year holds the promise of a seriously screwed health insurance system and the lingering threat of possible world war, what better time to watch a scary movie and lose yourself in 90 minutes of peace while enjoying some other poor schlub getting eviscerated or impaled.
Whether you prefer your holiday scares splattered in gore or steeped in lore and mythology, BVB is here to help with a list of holiday-themed dark delights guaranteed to stuff your stocking with fear, make nice boys and girls naughty and leave more than a lump of coal under the tree.
Oh, the Ho-Ho-Horror, indeed.
Once Upon a Time at Christmas (Lionsgate, 97 minutes, R, DVD and Video-on-Demand)
Like an unexpected gift left under the tree, the newest yuletide terror tale, Once Upon a Time at Christmas, is actually one of the best Santa-centric genre films to be released in years. Director Paul Tanter frames his flick like a doomsday clock ticking down to Christmas Eve as a rash of seemingly random, brutal murders grips a small upstate New York town. The killers — and this isn’t a spoiler — dress like Santa and Ms. Claus, and their rampage follows a particular holiday song down to the letter. Once Upon a Time at Christmas is gory as hell and punctuated by some truly inspired sleigh-ings. Go, buy it, now.
Better Watch Out (Well Go USA, 89 minutes, R, Blu-Ray, DVD and Video-on-Demand)
The weather outside might be frightful, but it’s even more terrifying inside the Lerner house in this delightfully subversive twist on Home Alone. All middle-school-aged Luke Lerner wants for Christmas is for his high school-aged babysitter Ashley to consider him a potential romantic suitor. So, when Luke’s parents leave Ashley in charge while they escape to a neighborhood Christmas party, Luke sets in motion a plan to woo his crush even as it appears his household has been targeted for a holiday home invasion. Director Chris Peckover does a masterful job keeping the audience off-balance until a huge twist in the deliriously violent third act completely flips the script on everything you’ve seen up to that point.
Silent Night, Deadly Night: Collector’s Edition (Shout! Factory, 79 minutes, R, Blu-Ray)
Nothing quite screams the holidays like seeing a naked Linnea Quigley get skewered by a deranged Santa on a pair of mounted antlers over a roaring fireplace. Yes, Virginia, this 1984 cult classic is as lurid as you remember. The strange tale of Billy Chapman, who watched his parents butchered on Christmas Eve before being scuttled off to a demented orphanage, unfolds with meticulous precision for a low-budget, drive-in ready slasher. Even if you’ve never seen Silent Night, Deadly Night, you’ve likely heard people talk about it. Don’t “punish” yourselves any longer. This is the year to finally give in to fear and watch it.
A Christmas Horror Story (Image Entertainment, 99 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray, DVD and Video-on-Demand)
Every holiday deserves its own horror anthology, and A Christmas Horror Story stacks up there with some of the best of all time. A collection of short stories, all framed around Christmas traditions, with a more epic wraparound tale that delivers a powerful punch of a twist, A Christmas Horror Story doesn’t hold back. There are zombie elves, a supernatural Christmas tree, a formidable Krampus fighting to the death with Santa and more. But man oh man, that twist is clever as hell.
Red Christmas (Artsploitation Films, 81 minutes, Unrated, Blu-Ray and Video-on-Demand)
Leave it to an Australian director best-known for comedy to deliver one of the giddiest, goriest, most thought-provoking Christmas nightmares ever lensed. Craig Anderson’s Red Christmas is a tour-de-force that plants its flag firmly in the middle of the most hot-button of issues, abortion, and refuses to pick a side. Genre icon Dee Wallace, in a stellar performance, plays the matriarch who gathers her family for Christmas only to have the festivities interrupted by Cletus, the long-thought-dead son she aborted decades earlier. Anderson wisely leaves it to viewers to decide if Red Christmas is a harrowing indictment of the pro-choice movement or a testament to a woman’s right to choose, even when her past comes back to haunt her.
Krampus (Universal, 98 minutes, PG-13, Blu-Ray, DVD and Video-on-Demand) and Gremlins (Warner Bros., 106 minutes, PG, Blu-Ray and DVD)
Not all holiday horror has to be so shocking that it leaves a lasting imprint on young, impressionable minds. For parents looking to indoctrinate their children early about the darker side of Xmas, two of the best family-friendly fright films are Gremlins and Krampus. And, yes, in case you had forgotten, Gremlins is indeed one of the darkest slices of spoiled nog ever released to mainstream acclaim, punctuated by Phoebe Cates telling the story of how her father died on Christmas while trying to creep down the chimney to surprise his children, but his body wasn’t found for days until it started to decompose. On the flip side, Michael Dougherty’s Krampus, while not up to par with his Halloween masterpiece, Trick ‘r Treat, still delivers some solid shivers for younger fans with its exploration of the mythology of the festive demon and its wonderful practical effects depiction of the titular beast.
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This article appears in Dec 28, 2017 – Jan 4, 2018.