Fuhgeddaboutit
By Jon Macks
Simon and Schuster/$9.95
Undoubtedly influenced by media romanticism of the Mafia lifestyle, this tongue-in-cheek work takes comic license with that trend. Complete with photographs to guide you along the pathway, this book provides aspiring mobsters with a blueprint for acceptance and success. You never know when the included glossary of mob terms and phrases may be necessary to express a point accurately. Phrases such as "slipping the old cannoli" are difficult to replicate in less offensive, more succinct terms.
Fuhgeddaboutit: How to Badda Boom, Badda Bing, and Find Your Inner Mobster addresses the overall mob lifestyle and teaches prospective mobsters everything they need to know, including how to look and act like a mob guy. No stone is left unturned. Included are instructions dictating how to walk, smoke and even kiss like a mob guy. According to the book, a baseball bat, ready mix cement and a Lincoln Continental with a large trunk are necessary prerequisites to a fruitful initiation into this lifestyle. Fuhgeddaboutit takes contemporary issues into consideration, while maintaining respect for Mafia traditions. For example, the age-old debate regarding wooden versus aluminum bats is addressed in a thought-provoking manner. While the attributes of old school wooden bats are represented, the author seems to favor aluminum since greater bat speed is generated and injuries due to splintering are less likely.
If, after reading this book, you still harbor doubts as to your true potential, there is a "Job Aptitude Test" which may provide you with insight as to what type of position awaits you in the Underworld. Rounding out this comprehensive work are a few final chapters discussing the expected behavior and code of conduct of mob guys. This book indicates the traditions considered sacrosanct and how to utilize the Witness Protection Program should you fail to comply with these traditions.
—Mike LaRosa
This article appears in Oct 11-17, 2001.