When I was in film school, we had a rule: Your first film had to be contained to one minute, with every second you went over knocking your grade. This provided an invaluable lesson in how to determine what is integral to a story and what is self-indulgent. Clearly, director Dorothy Lyman never took Directing 101.

Before I spew more bile, let me give you some context. Split Ends is the story of Lizzie Munro (Corinna May), a hairdresser in small-town New Jersey. Lizzie doesn't want to be booted from her salon by developers out to create a strip mall (or something) in place of the historic Old Town, but the mayor (Vincent Pastore) is in cahoots with the developers for his own financial gain (we think) and won't listen to the hairdresser when she tells him she ain't moving.

Oh, and the hairdresser is Scottish. Because the red tape in the way of a UK/USA visas is eliminated for beauty workers.

This article appears in Jun 24-30, 2010.