"History prefers legends to men."
Apparently it'll settle for badasses too, and that's exactly what the 16th president of the United States becomes in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, a choppy but fun romp that goes so far over-the-top, at times it makes Jet Li look like Kathie Lee.
A young Abe comes to the aid of his boyhood friend Will and ends up falling under the whip of Jack Barts, a confrontation that costs his father a job and his mother her life. Vengeance becomes Lincoln's all-consuming pursuit, but he doesn't find out until shooting the man in the face and getting his own bashed in that Barts is actually a vampire. Enter new friend and mentor Henry Sturgess, who not only saves Abe's bacon, he agrees to train him in the ways of hunting and killing vampires.
The story continues as Lincoln evolves from monster slayer to becoming a giant leech himself. From lawyer to statesman to president, he keeps killing along the way but puts down the axe when he creates a family with wife Mary Todd. But the vampires are gunning for him and war is coming. Who does Henry serve and how far will the conspiracy of vampires go to keep slavery alive?
As big baddie Adam says, “Men have enslaved each other since they invented gods to forgive them for doing it.”
Good casting makes up for some narrative voids and stunning visuals compensate for a pace that's downright irksome at times. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter won't be winning any awards but it's a good ride; some will loathe it while others will love it. Benjamin Walker embodies the socially clumsy Abe in a commendable performance. Dominic Cooper is the perfect casting for the enigmatic Sturgess, and Jimmi Simpson and Anthony Mackie make for great compatriots as Joshua Speed and Will Johnson. Rufus Sewell does so well as a villain one wonders if he’s really just a giant prick.
No doubt the nerds will come out in force, railing against the blasphemous co-opting of the beloved novel by the same name. As a nerd, I thought it was a very satisfying adaptation, although I wasn’t surprised, seeing as how original author Seth Grahame-Smith also wrote the screenplay. I think he did a great job condensing the story and keeping most of the necessary elements to still tell the story.
The most bothersome part of the movie for me was the 3D. I don’t generally enjoy it, as fitting 3D specs over my eyeglasses is a pain in the ass. More importantly, it was completely unnecessary for this flick, which would have been just as enjoyable without it. Sure, some of the axe work and blood splatter jumping out was cool, but it didn’t add enough to justify having those stupid plastic glasses slide down the bridge of my crowded nose every five seconds.
So get ready for a good time with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, just don’t take it as seriously as the filmmakers did. Be honest; you’re intrigued.
This article appears in Jun 21-27, 2012.