The Rabid One knows you're shocked as well. It seems unfathomable right? What country did you grow up in if you haven’t seen at least ONE of George Lucas’ exciting space operas? Were you buried in the sands of Tattooine? Did you freeze in ice for years on the frozen tundra of Hoth? As insane as it sounds, there are in fact lots of people who haven’t seen Star Wars — and I'm looking directly and you ladies. Fear not padawans, I am here to train you in the ways of the … err … dating a Star Wars virgin.
--Tip 1--
[image-1]Feel at one with the Force, Don’t flip out once you first hear the Sith inspired, life-altering news. No matter how accepted the films are in the very fabric of Americana, it’s still very much a nerd thing. If you act like the dame just said she’s never heard of Jesus, you’re not getting laid anytime soon, and will likely be trapped in her detention block for some time to come.
--Tip 2--
Please realize many Bothans died to get you this tragic information. But you'll need it to effectively train her. Ignore Master Yoda advice just this once. She is not too old to begin her training. However, once you have the knowledge of her Star Wars virginity, do not assault her with a need to “save her” from her obvious affliction. Remember, she is going to be under the impression that she’s normal.
--Tip 3--
Do not cancel whatever plans you have with her to race home (in under 12 parsecs) to watch the most sacred of sacredness. She might have really had her heart set on Olive Garden since you offered her coupons.
[image-2]--Tip 4--
You're lightsaber is a sophisticated weapon for a modern age. Do NOT whip it out all willy nilly like a drunk Wookie on a bender. A wise Jedi uses his tool only when necessary. It makes the real, ahem, duel more promising if you are fresh.
--Tip 5--
Once you've casually offered to introduce the ways of the Force and your special lady friend was wise enough to agree, be cool about it. Do not recite the script, NEVER utter the words “ooh get ready” and don’t spoil anything. You want to be a scoundrel, but remember, a charming one. Don't be a reckless Bantha.
--Tip 6--
There is no prequel trilogy. Remember, you’d like to get your Ewok near this girl again.
And lastly
--Tip 7--
Don’t ask her to write an essay quoting the brilliance of said films. Allow the Force to naturally coarse through her (much like you're going to want to later). Don't pressure her, but if done properly, you'll notice her quoting her favorite lines with the rest of us. Success can be judged on the night she gets you naked, looks down at your Rabid bits and says, wow, those ARE the droids I'm looking for."
The end result:
[image-3]
If you follow these tips and don’t scare the girl off to the moons of Endor you could have a shot at fulfilling your destiny, like your father before you. Well, at least more of a shot than if you send her running away at light speed. Remember, be cool (likely a hard concept). I mean, remember, she is going to be kind of caught off guard when you tell her you’ve never been in public with a real girl before, so all's fair.
“Hey, you wanna hold my light saber?” If you’re a nerd it’s your quintessential pick-up line when you go wherever you might go to meet ladies. Perhaps a somewhat shady Cantina? It’s simple, geek-topical and unlikely to get your arm cut off of you if you repel the damsel in question. But what’s a guy to do if the woman’s he’s trying to Jedi mind-trick into land speeder has never seen the epic Star Wars trilogy? May virginity be with you.
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