"I won't purposely drink tiger blood to reinvent myself." Rabid Nick interviews comedian and ’80s icon Bob Saget prior to his show March 13th at the Hard Rock (w/NSFW video!)

Okay, for your girlfriend's comfort, before, during, and after Full House was made I was doing stand-up and my comedy was always weird, or edgy, or whatever people chose to call it. Irreverent, I guess. So the odd stuff I found funny were always part of my stand-up. One of the first jokes I ever had and did it on TV on HBO's First Annual Young Comedians Special with my friend Rodney Dangerfield was, "I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year old boy, and they're both in my car and I want you to see them." About seven years later, I got the role on Full House, and then the hosting job on the video show. To me, I guess, people thinking I'm like Danny Tanner in my life or stand-up work is like people believing the actors who play vampires in the Twilight movies are real vampires. Although I do own a dust buster and I'm not afraid to use it.

Of course not! Speaking of Youtube, obviously you are its god. I mean, your nut-whacking video show that ran for like, ever, was the precursor to the Internet's favorite “light your farts on fire” portal. Tell me they are paying you royalties or have a statue of you in their zen garden where Google employees smoke during lunch break.

Ha. That's funny. I'm glad I give this no thought, but it must be true, if I had a dollar for every time someone lit a fart for a video camera, I'd have a lot of stinky filthy money. But it's the people who sent those tapes in to the video show, Daniel Tosh's funny show, and it's people who can film their own butts being lit on fire and originate a Youtube site and own their own footage of their own brother's butthole bursting into flames. Karmically, I am very happy to have nothing to do with that — And I'd like to go on record here telling your readers who want to film themselves lighting their farts on fire: Do not try this without a trained professional. Otherwise you could wind up like Kenny in the South Park Movie: Bigger, Longer and Uncut. And what starts as a lit fart could end up as a journey into the fire pits of hell. I do laugh at flatulence jokes occasionally, however, as my father introduced them to me when I was just a little fart.

You're hitting The Hard Rock here in Tampa. Exactly how vile should us Tampons expect you to be when you hit the stage? Are there any topics off the table? My grandma's gonna be heartbroken if she can't come.

I want your grandmother there, and in no way am I hitting on your grandmother. In print, in this interview, I mean. But all bets are off if she's at the Hard Rock on March 13. I just don't want kids under 16 at my shows because, well. ... That just seems a good cut-off age of appropriateness to me. I just have fun and love entertaining people, which is why I do it and always will. I don't know why people think I'm that blue. Oh wait, maybe cause I dropped the F-bomb countless times on my last HBO special. Truth be known, I haven't been cursing as much, though my subject matter I must admit is a bit off-road at times. But blue talk and blue hair belong together. I actually have a new song I enjoy performing — about a relationship I had with a lady where our age difference came between us. In the song she's about 40 years older than I. So actually, my newer material is kind of tailor-made for your grandmother.

Who are some of your favorite current comedians? Who out there makes you piss yourself?

I am happy to say I have not yet ever pissed myself. I have had gas that left a mark, and I'm not proud of that. Involuntary emissions are a good sign that comedians have left their mark on the audience. I love a lot of comedians. My faves are probably a lot of people's favorites — Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Jerry Seinfeld, Sarah Silverman. I love my friend Don Rickles; proud to call him a friend, since he's one of the bigger influences of my comedy life. ... As far as current favorites, I pretty much love anyone funny. Jim Gaffigan, Brian Regan, Seth Meyers, B.J. Novak, Jeff Ross, Todd, Allen, Mike Young, Ryan Stout, James Smith ... so many good new people coming up that I look forward to seeing more of ... and I know one day I will piss myself watching them.

What kind of goals do you have for the rest of your career, assuming you don't pull a Charlie Sheen and start drinking tiger blood?

I don't do negative so I won't purposely drink animal blood to reinvent myself. I love acting, directing and producing, believe it or not. No one says much that they love producing, but I do. Seeing a project from its start through completion is a very rewarding creative effort. I'm working currently on a script for network for a new show that I'll be wearing several hats. And I get to pick the hats, so hopefully I'll not look too goofy in them. I also love my stand-up and plan to shoot a new special this year, with less F-bombs than cable requires by law.

Who were some of the influences on your raunchy comedy career?

Raunchy? I think not. There I go defending my offending again. I started in stand-up, becoming friends with the great Richard Pryor and Rodney Dangerfield, so I would have to start with them. Two completely different styles, but both said things that aren't printable in many publications read by the masses. My first real influence into comedy was Chaplin, and the man didn't speak much in his films, so I'd have to say — the great comedy artists that spoke whatever truth they spoke with no boundaries are the people who influenced me and continue to influence me the most. It's weird, I really do feel like I'm just beginning. I get inspired by so many comedians. I admire both who use bluer language and subject matter and others that have never sworn onstage ever, so I can't differentiate the two styles of humor. I will admit that I have answered all these questions completely nude with my testicles draped inside the opening flap door of a VHS player I had in the garage.

So The Rabid One has hosted some comedy greats here in Tampa for Creative Loafing, including Roastmaster Jeff Ross, whom I had the honor of being roasted by. Based on this interview, how would you heckle me if I were in your front row?

Funny, I just got off the phone with Jeff Ross, asking him what comics he likes now. We all have a lot of the same lists. I think if you were in my front row, I would try to parent you a bit — ask you why you wanted to know who makes me pee myself and probably want to take you out to a Forever 21 Store and give you a complete makeover, so that your own girlfriend would ask you if she could borrow your new skirt sometime. ... I guess what I'm getting at is ... I don't know what I would say to you if you were in my front row. Except I'd be happy you were there. When I spend this much time talking to someone, even in an interview situation like this, I kind of want to be kind to them, not heckle them. So what I'm saying is, I want to be one of your new friends, and then tell you I can't see you anymore ’cause we got too personal. Hope you can come to the show, though. I can get you a free bottle of water, which I really do want you to start drinking. In fact drink so much water, that when you do see me Sunday, March 13th, at the Hard Rock, you laugh so hard you pee yourself. Thanks for letting me vent, man. Continued success in your Rabid'ness.

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