It happened this week-ish: James Franco on a soap, exploding boobs, Death Cab sings for a vampire, Bunnies on TV, and Playgirl is still around?

*The Girls Next Door premiered this week and here are the highlights, just in case you don't feel like losing an hour of your life to a show that will leave you feeling like a rocket scientist in comparison to the cast: Florida is represented as the state that brings you a dumber breed of human. Hugh is older. The girls are younger (pictured right). There are are four sets of twins (think about it, it's clever). Lots of nakedness. That pretty much covers it.


*Headline of the Week: MTV Contestant Claims She Popped Her Breast Implant. I have questions ... What? How? Is silicone floating around the Real World pool in little chunks, kinda like if a plate of jello was dropped and crashed onto the floor, separating into a million little jiggly pieces?


*Death Cab for Cutie has released their video for "Meet Me at the Equinox," their new single from the New Moon Soundtrack. This is a life-changing three minutes and 37 seconds for me, as my love for Ben Gibbard, Edward Cullen, vampire romance, videos shot in old houses and whiny Washingtonians is both vast and deep.


*Finally, here's the thing ... I feel reeeeeeally bad for these dogs.


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*I kinda missed the boat on this last week, but that is the beauty of having a time frame that ends in "-ish"...the freedom to extend my week. So, James Franco is joining the cast of General Hospital and explaining it by claiming it as "performance art." No James, no it is not. It's a soap opera, the same category of show my grandmother used to tape on VHS five days a week so she didn't miss Rick Springfield and his evil twin with amnesia who probably had a serial killer for a wife. James has got to lay off the reefer.

*Did you hear Bristol Palin's BabyDaddy (yes, that hunk of a man to the right) has agreed to pose for Playgirl? I, for one, had no idea Playgirl was still around but this might be subscription time for yours truly. Because there is nothing sexier than a teenager with no real ambition who impregnated a cheerleader ... wait, I think we had that guy in my high school, I could probably get him to show me his "private areas" for way less than the $19.95 a month the website membership is gonna cost me.

*If there is anything I have learned from television this week (besides the obvious life lessons that one gathers from Project Runway, One Tree Hill and The Office) it's that B-list semilebrities love pistachios way more than I do. And the National Pistachio Council (I have no idea if that's a real thing) must have gotten a huge stimulus package to pay for all these big name endorsers.

After the jump, a Girls Next Door recap, exploding implants, Death Cab meets Twilight and more...

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