*The tweets are a-fueding this week, as Kirstie Alley and Joy Behar have taken to their keyboards to tear each other apart, 140 characters at a time. Obligatory Kirstie Alley joke: "This gives a whole new meaning to Fail Whale." Ba-zing! Damn, I could not be any funnier!

*There is a reason we all live in this fantabulous state. Some say it's the warm weather, others say it's the pristine beaches, for me it's the ever-present chance that someone is going to get assaulted with a knife and a hot beverage over American Idol. Trust me, the odds are better than you think. In fact, just this week, after an argument about Idol, this happened: "After Johnson went to bed, police said he woke about 11:20 to her stabbing and pouring boiling hot chocolate on him." So, you had to mix up some Swiss Miss for the occasion? That is what I call "premeditated."

*In other Idol news, because, why the hell not, former Ryan Seacrest sidekick and dumbest man in America, Brian Dunkleman, is returning to the little screen to capitalize upon the biggest career mistake anyone has ever made in the history of people having careers. Get ready for American Dunkleman, and no it is not about people in dunk tanks, to my dismay.

After the jump, Gary Coleman gettin' nekkid for bail, everything you ever wanted to know about Saved by the Bell, the first four minutes of the season premiere of Lost (not kidding, we have the video) and more.

This article appears in Jan 27 – Feb 2, 2010.