Dear Manny,
Way to make me look like an asshole on TV for condemning those who booed you. How could you be so selfish? Thanks a lot, dick.
Your pal,
-KT
P.s. Rays fans: Boo ‘til your hearts’ content. Sorry if you drank the Kool-aid and bought the merch.
“The Tampa Bay Rays were informed today by the Commissioner’s Office that Manny Ramirez has decided to retire after being informed of an issue under the Drug Program. We are obviously surprised and disappointed by this news. We will have no further comment on this matter, and our fans and organization will carry on.”
Above you’ll find the statement released by the team on the issue of Manny Ramirez’s retirement. Short. Sweet. Classy. It says, “Eh… your loss.” Mind you, “issue” is most likely defined as “another positive drug test.” Ramirez was previously suspended 50 games for violating the drug policy while playing for the L.A. Dodgers; as a repeat offender, he was looking at 100 games this time. One-for-17 at the plate, 100-game suspension? Looks like it wasn’t hard to do that math.
This article appears in Apr 7-13, 2011.