By now, I hope you've picked up a hard copy of CL's Summer Guide 2016. One, because it's awesome. Two, we worked our asses off getting it ready for you. Sure, you can read it all online, but the print edition feels like more fun. I can't explain why.

Perhaps I can't explain why because, in truth, I'm exhausted. Special editions of our paper? They're a lot of work. And yes, my "work" involves kayaking, going to the Keys and heading to a new water park, but trust me, it still counts. I loved every minute of it — even when I was kayaking through the most neglected waterway in St. Petersburg with a real Florida Man, Thomas Hallock, and the spiders looked at me and said, "Bitch be crazy", I loved it. But I'm tired. We're all tired. To give you an idea, take 22 minutes and watch this old episode of Better off Ted, "Beating a Dead Workforce".

Riiiiiight. You'll forgive me, then, if I'm low on wit and tell you instead get the hell out there and do some shit, OK? LIfe's too short. But remember, this is the first weekend of summer, and summer, like drinking, is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself, drink lots of water and don't be afraid to stop and look around.

Here's how you ease into the best months of the year this weekend:

10. Friday night head to
Terry Tomalin's memorial . Bring your SUP, kayak or canoe for the, uh, after-party memorial paddle.

9. Grab a mess of crab legs at PJ's Oyster Bar on St. Pete Beach on the way out. Eat them on the beach. Do not feed the damn seagulls. I'll be there, I'll see you, and I will end you.

8. Sleep in Saturday morning, then relax with your summer reading list. I suggest you start with Jon Kile's The Grandfather Clock (disclosure: he writes for us, and he's my friend, but rest assured, the book doesn't suck or we wouldn't plug it).

7. Cool off inside a movie theater. Tampa Theatre has The Damned: Don’t You Wish That We Were Dead Saturday night.

6. Looking for all the air conditioning with less punk? Tampa Theatre also has Love & Friendship.

5. The Cobb's new Tyrone Luxury 10 has Alice, X-Men and some films that actually look appealing, too. Well, to me and at least one of our film critics, anyway.

4. Take the time to order your summer clothes. You can head out (Kohl's always has a sale, right?) or go to sites like Modcloth (someone please buy me this octopus dress, size medium, OK?) or Cubavera. Radish & Company has an out-of-the-way boutique that won't be mobbed (but maybe it should be), so if you want to think outside the box (not really sure Modcloth is in the box, or Cubavera, for that matter) and off the 'net, there's your option. Unless you're a guy. Then, uh, I don't know… Revolve? Yeah, that'll work. Definitely.

3. Grill something. Anything. In our house, that’s steak. And romaine. Yes, you can
grill romaine . That’s a link to a fancy recipe; we cut it in half lengthwise, brush the flat side with olive oil, and char it.

2. Stay away from the beach or the marinas. Unless, of course, you like drunks and litter. But if you want to get out of the house, why not try geocaching? Ybor City State Park Museum has a geotour, or check out other local geocaches at Geocaching.com. You can search by ZIP or city; here's a geocache in south Pinellas.

1. Take your dog to the Suncoast Animal League dog wash in Palm Harbor Saturday. Prices start at $7 and benefit a hardworking rescue. Plus, you get a free drink and a clean dog.

And, with that, so ends my week. I'm out, y'all. I have a stack of books to read, romaine to buy, and, well, a few dogs who may have recently rolled in parrotfish shit.