outtakes

RATING GUIDE:

Stellar $$$$$

Heavenly $$$$

Earthly $$$

Gaseous $$

Uranus $

8 MILE (R) This much-anticipated portrait-of-the-artist-as-a-young-dawg stars white-boy rapper/pop sensation Eminem as a barely disguised version of himself in younger days. Directed by Curtis Hanson (L.A. Confidential, Wonder Boys), the movie is set in Detroit's mid-'90s hip-hop scene, where aspiring rapper Jimmy "Rabbit" Smith (Eminem) lives in a trailer with his trashy mom (Kim Basinger), works a dead-end factory job by day, and hangs with his pals and performs by night. Eminem projects some real charisma in his screen debut (the comparisons with James Dean are all but inevitable), and his scenes with Brittany Murphy are nothing if not intense. It's all extremely engaging, and the climactic battle between dueling rappers is half-Rocky, half-spaghetti western and an instant classic. Also stars Mekhi Phifer. $$$$ADAM SANDLER'S EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS (PG-13) An animated cinematic experience from Adam Sandler, just in time for the holidays. A traumatic event during Hanukkah turns 12-year-old good kid Davey Stone sour, and 20 years of drinking, delinquency and surliness later, he is hated by the townspeople of Dukesberry. The story plays out a little slowly, seeming longer than its 78 minutes and songs written and performed for the most part by Sandler supply some narration in the story but don't deliver the same kind of laughs as his songs about lunch ladies and red-hooded sweatshirts. Features the voices of Adam Sandler, Kevin Nealon and Jon Lovitz. $1/2—ANA LOPEZ

ANALYZE THAT (R) Billy Crystal and Robert De Niro are back as the nerdy little shrink and his tough-guy mobster patient, in this installment of Harold Ramis' Mafioso comedy. The jokes this time out are even flatter than the first time around, and the movie never really seems able or willing to strike some sort of workable balance between humor (which basically consists of Crystal and De Niro mugging) and whatever's going on here that passes for drama. The big heist that takes up the movie's final 20 minutes might just be the most gratuitously tacked-on finale of the year. Also stars Lisa Kudrow. $$AUSTRALIA: LAND BEYOND TIME (PG) The film takes us Down Under to the flattest, driest continent on earth, immerses us in parched, otherworldly landscapes and introduces us to tons of incredibly odd and supremely adaptable animals. $$$1/2

DIE ANOTHER DAY (PG-13) It's a long way from Once Were Warriors for director Lee Tamahori, who helms this latest Bond blowout in which 007 tracks traitors and terrorists from North Korea to Cuba to Iceland. On the plus side is Halle Berry, who shows up to exchange innuendoes and bodily fluids with the Bondster, and two fairly cool villains — one of whom is an inverted version of 007 himself (i.e., a swaggering, pretty-boy adventurer). On the down side, the plot's pretty convoluted (as all the recent Bonds have been), some of the CGI effects are awfully cheesy, and the movie overstays its welcome by a good 20 minutes. Stars Pierce Brosnan, Rosamund Pike and Stephen Yune. $$$1/2

DRUMLINE (PG-13) Although Drumline can be cliched and manipulative, it has genuine excitement for its subject matter. The movie is set in fictitious Atlanta A&T. The college's newest scholarship hotshot Devon Miles (Nick Cannon) has unparalleled gifts as a snare drummer, which he knows all too well. With his arrogant attitude he frequently butts heads with high-minded music director Dr. Lee (Orlando Jones) and drum major Sean (Leonard Roberts). Scripters Tina Gordon Chism and Shawn Schepps quickly show that they're well-versed in the dynamics of college marching bands. $$$1/2—CURT HOLMAN

THE EMPEROR'S CLUB (PG-13) Not to be confused with The Dead Poets Society or any number of other similarly titled or similarly plotted productions, The Emperor's Club is another of those well-meaning movies about a teacher who tries to make a difference. Kevin Kline plays Mr. Hundert, who engages in a battle of wills with a rebellious new student who has a taste for Godard, Dylan and skin mags. The film's heart is in the right place but it is essentially, as Kline himself finally tells us, "a story without surprises." Also stars Emile Hirsch, Embeth Davidtz and Rob Morrow. $$1/2

EMPIRE (R) Virtually every cliche in the book is trotted out in this phenomenally awful vanity project starring John Leguizamo (who also produced it) as a drug pusher trying to go legit in whitey's world. It's never even clear if writer-director Franc Reyes is trying to make a gritty piece of realism, a satire, or some sort of half-baked allegory, but Leguizamo's performance is about the only thing here that isn't a total waste of time. Also stars Isabella Rossellini, Denise Richards and Peter Sarsgaard. $EQUILIBRIUM (R) Sci-fi futuristic thriller that's a splash of Gattaca, a hint of 1984 and dollop of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. To say the least, it stars really good-looking people: Taye Diggs, Emily Watson and Christian Bale.(Not Reviewed)

EXTREME OPS (PG-13) Exteme sports enthusiasts and terrorists mix it up in the Austrian alps. For those who like their explosions sprinkled with doses of snowboarding, skydiving, and jumping off motorcycles and helicopters. Stars Devon Sawa and Rufus Sewell. (Not Reviewed)

FRIDAY AFTER NEXT (R) The third installment of the popular Friday series re-teams Ice Cube and Mike Epps as cousins Craig and Day-Day, who, after a brief fling in the suburbs, now find themselves back in their original urban L.A. "hood. This time out, the cousins take jobs to make some quick money for Christmas presents and rent when a criminally inclined Santa breaks in to their crib and steals them blind. Also stars John Witherspoon. (Not Reviewed)

GANGS OF NEW YORK (R) Martin Scorsese's enormously ambitious new film about mid-1800s blood feuds and power struggles is a huge, magnificently sprawling thing that manifests all the power and resonance of classical myth. The movie's focus is the love-hate relationship between the characters played by Daniel Day-Lewis and Leonardo DiCaprio, but Scorsese constantly layers his cinematic mural with additional characters, historical nuances and stories-within-stories. Gangs of New York is certainly History Writ Large, but the bulk of it is as accessible as anything this director's ever done. The movie is big, bloody, ornate, passionate and full of over-the-top emotions, like a grand opera re-imagined as a really cool comic book. The performances are uniformly solid, but Gangs is really Day-Lewis' show. Once you get past the nagging suspicion that the actor is channeling a young Bobby De Niro, Day-Lewis' character becomes riveting, then unforgettable. The film's disappointing last half-hour expands the scope at exactly the moment it should be simplifying, cramming a dizzying amount of historical detail, social commentary and foggy symbolism into its last act, but Gangs remains a must-see. Also stars Cameron Diaz. $$$$HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS (PG) While it's still a hugely entertaining affair, the new Harry Potter movie almost inevitably lacks some of the, well, magic of the first film. The two movies are very similar in both structure and feel, but most of the big money shots in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets are essentially reprises of elements from H.P. and the Sorcerer's Stone, and lack that thrill of initial discovery. Also stars Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Robbie Coltrane, Maggie Smith and Richard Harris. $$$1/2

THE HOT CHICK (PG-13) Popular, snobby teen Jessica (Rachel McAdams) shoplifts a cursed pair of earrings that result in her waking up the next morning to realize her (and our) worst fear: waking up in the body of Rob Schneider. Wackiness ensues. (Not Reviewed)

JANE GOODALL'S WILD CHIMPANZEES (NR) The IMAX film depicts Goodall's 40-plus years' work among the chimps at Gombe Park on Lake Tanganyka in Africa and the Gombe chimp families. Playing at IMAX Dome Theater at MOSI. Call theater to confirm.(Not Reviewed)

JONAH: A VEGGIETALES MOVIE (G) For what it's worth, Jonah has to be the most entertaining and unintentionally bizarre mix of religion and talking vegetables since the reign of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker. The cast of cute cucumbers, tomatoes and asparagus play out a version of the Old Testament tale of the reluctant prophet who wound up in the belly of a whale, complete with a smattering of songs, pirates, kiddie-friendly antics and God-friendly message. Featuring the voices of Phil Vischer, Mike Nawrocki and Tim Hodge. $$THE LION KING (G) Disney cops all the right moves — contemporary quasi-new-age P.C. mysticism that mixes neatly with Uncle Walt's time-honored humanism — in this epic, vaguely Oedipal tale of a little lion cub who grows up to replace his regal daddy. Lots of lovably goofy and lovably lovable characters abound. Only the blandly MOR soundtrack puts a damper on the spell. $$$$LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS (PG-13) Peter Jackson's second installment of J.R.R. Tolkien's saga is an even more richly detailed tale than the first. The new movie communicates even more vividly the essence of the astonishing world it imagines — a place where the kingdoms of men co-exist with all manner of strange creatures and where magic supercedes science in a way that Harry Potter can only dream about. On the down side, The Two Towers cuts right to the chase, so confident in its miraculous, self-contained universe that it races through some introductions or skips them altogether, and may wind up confusing viewers unfamiliar with the first film or the books. For that reason, The Two Towers might seem to some a less satisfactory movie experience than the first film, which carefully sets everything up. At the same time, Two Towers colors in the world of Middle Earth in ways that the first film only hints at. The strengths and weaknesses of the new movie add to the argument that all the films of the trilogy are best taken together, as one massive epic that seems to be shaping up as one of the very best examples of fantastic cinema ever created. Stars Elijah Wood, Viggo Mortensen, Ian McKellen and Christopher Lee. $$$$1/2

MAID IN MANHATTAN (PG-13) A senatorial candidate falls for a hotel maid, mistaking her for a socialite after seeing her in an elegant dress that actually belongs to one of the hotel's wealthy patrons. Stars Jennifer Lopez, Ralph Fiennes and Stanley Tucci. (Not Reviewed)

MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING (PG) Nia Vardalos stars in this sweet-natured, sporadically amusing adaptation of her one-woman show about a plain Greek-American woman who transforms herself into a babe and hooks up with her Prince Charming — who, much to the chagrin of her loud and proud Greek family, turns out to be as WASP-y as they come. In all, Greek Wedding probably worked better on stage than on the big screen. Also stars John Corbett, Michael Constantine, Lainie Kazan and Andrea Martin. $$$1/2

PINOCCHIO Over-the-top Italian actor Roberto Benigni stars, directs and co-writes this version of the venerable fairy tale. (Not Reviewed)

RABBIT-PROOF FENCE (PG) Director Phillip Noyce, back from the dead zone of Hollywood hot-air like The Saint, makes audiences a Christmas gift of not just one, but two fine, surprisingly personal films. One is his adaptation of the Graham Greene anti-thriller The Quiet American, and the other is this quietly moving tale that exposes one of the Western world's dirtiest little secrets. Rabbit-Proof Fence focuses on the execrable racial laws in effect in Australia for much of the 20th century, when countless children of mixed aboriginal and white parentage were kidnapped by government employees and imprisoned in "re-education" centers. The film takes place in 1931 and is based on the true story of three young Aboriginal girls who escaped from one of these centers and trekked some 1,500 miles across the Outback to get back home. Noyce's storytelling is economical almost to a fault, propelled entirely by the wonderfully naturalistic performances of his young cast and by the desolate beauty of the Australian landscape, which becomes as much a player in the film as its human characters. Stars Everlyn Sampi, Tianna Sansbury, Kenneth Brannagh and David Gulpilil. Opens Dec. 25 at local theaters. $$$$

THE RING (PG-13) A class-act creepfest. Naomi Watts confirms the star power she exhibited in Mulholland Drive, as a woman in the sway of a videotape that causes anyone who watches it to die within a week. The movie feels a little rushed and sloppy toward the end, but has the makings of a classic modern horror film, eerily dreamlike, suspenseful and possessed of a relentless forward momentum that can be absolutely terrifying. Also stars Martin Henderson. $$$$ROGER DODGER (R) If Neil LaBute himself hadn't taken to turning out movies that beg to be called "Neil LaBute-Lite," it might be tempting to apply that soundbite to this nasty-chatty little indie offering. Campbell Scott stars as the title character, a smart, cynical cad so ruthless, abrasive and sex-obsessed he might have just stepped out of In the Company of Men. First-time director Dylan Kidd paints a compelling portrait of sly, silver-tongued devil Roger, but the movie loses focus when the character's 16-year-old nephew (Jesse Eisenberg) comes to visit, and the razor-edged descent into the urban singles scene becomes a conventionally bittersweet take on male bonding. Also stars Isabella Rossellini, Jennifer Beals and Elizabeth Berkley. $$$1/2

THE SANTA CLAUSE 2 (G) Tim Allen is back as Scott Calvin, a heartless toy company exec who, in the first movie, accidentally killed Santa and was forced to assume his role. In part two, Santa is forced to find a wife (a stipulation of "the Mrs. Clause") by Christmas Eve or he'll stop being Santa forever. The elves help him out by creating Santa II to keep an eye on the workshop while Santa I is busy searching for a bride. Santa II goes a little power mad, the bride-to-be isn't getting along with Santa's son, Charlie, and, to top it all off, Charlie has landed on the "naughty" list (gasp!). Also stars Elizabeth Mitchell, Judge Reinhold, Molly Shannon and Jay Thomas. (Not Reviewed)

SHACKLETON'S ANTARCTIC ADVENTURE (PG) An engaging mix of history, drama, fascinating archival footage and breathtaking, state-of-the-art photography, Shackleton's Antarctic Adventure tells the incredible true tale of an epic battle for survival in the wake of a failed expedition to cross Antarctica in 1914. Playing at IMAX Dome Theater at MOSI. Call theater to confirm. $$$$ SIEGFRIED AND ROY: THE MAGIC BOX (PG) As magnificently overblown a piece of Uber Kitsch as you could ever want to find, Siggy and Roy's 3-D movie is a big, gaudy, guilty pleasure for the whole family. Stars Siegfried Fischbacher and Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn. Playing at Channelside IMAX. $$$1/2

SOLARIS (PG-13) Steven Soderbergh re-imagines Andrei Tarkovsky's three-hour metaphysical opus as a tougher, tighter yet anything but brisk 90-minute tone poem. We won't even attempt to talk about a "plot" here, but Soderbergh retains the essence of Tarkovsky's monumentally enigmatic film: A small crew of humans orbiting a strange, seemingly sentient planet find their memories are being seized upon and turned into what appear to be flesh and blood entities. The characters in Soderbergh's Solaris don't spend as much time ruminating about life and death as the tortured souls in Tarkovsky's film did, but there's still plenty of pregnant silences and soul searching to go around. The movie is a formally elegant, almost icy meditation on memory, of a type that can be traced directly to landmark art films like Hiroshima Mon Amour and Woman in the Dunes, although Soderbergh's philosophical and spiritual yearnings don't seem to run quite as deep. Stars George Clooney, Natascha McElhone, Jeremy Davies and Viola Davis. $$$$SPACE STATION (PG) New IMAX featurette documenting a pair of voyages to the international space station floating high above planet Earth. The multinational crews include a mix of American astronauts and Russian cosmonauts. At IMAX Dome Theater. (Not Reviewed)

STANDING IN THE SHADOWS OF MOTOWN (PG) Berry Gordy ran his Motown Records iron-fisted and fostered a very strict star system. This left the studio musicians, converted jazzers who crafted the lauded "Motown sound," at the back of the bus when it came to recognition. Standing in the Shadows of Motown, a play on the title of the Four Tops hit "Standing in the Shadows of Love," chronicles the life, then and now, of The Funk Brothers, the label's extraordinary group of players who laid down the tracks in the cramped Detroit studio that was the hub of Hitsville, U.S.A. The movie is a nice hybrid. Several contemporary artists — Joan Osborne, Ben Harper, Bootsy Collins and others — join the aged Funk Brothers, the surviving ones, on stage for a string of classic Motown hits, from "Heatwave" to "What's Going On." The performance sequences break up conventional documentary segments that elucidate the musicians' stories (including quite a bit on the late bass genius James Jamerson, their most renowned member). The only parts that don't really work are a handful of reenacted vignettes that feature unknown actors playing young Funk Brothers. In all, Standing in the Shadows of Motown is an enlightening piece of pop music history and a highly entertaining musical experience. Not a bad combo. Opens Dec. 27 at Channelside. $$$1/2—Eric Snider

STAR TREK: NEMESIS (PG-13) This by-the-numbers entry in the Next Generation franchise pits the Enterprise crew against a bad-tempered Picard clone with an agenda that includes destroying the Federation. The movie meanders during its first hour, leaving us uncertain of what its actual plot is, then bombards us with routine action scenes during its second half. Tom Hardy makes for one of the weakest Star Trek villains ever, the alien hordes look way too much like toothy version of Klaus Kinski in Nosferatu, and the whole production feels flat, tired and hopelessly pedestrian. Patrick Stewart is reliably solid, but even he can't rise above the mediocrity of the material. Also stars Brent Spiner, Jonathan Frakes, LeVar Burton and Michael Dorn. $$SWEET HOME ALABAMA A lazy romantic comedy that apparently looked no further back than 1991's Doc Hollywood Reese Witherspoon plays Melanie Carmichael, a rising New York fashion designer who's just accepted a marriage proposal from the son (smarmy Patrick Dempsey) of the city's mayor (Candice Bergen). First, though, she has to go back to her Alabama hometown and get her first husband (Josh Lucas) to sign the divorce papers, something he's been reluctant to do. $$—MATT BRUNSON

THE TRANSPORTER (PG-13) Hong Kong-styled action pic produced by Luc Besson, revolving around an American mercenary and a kidnapping scheme. Stars Jason Starham and Tchecky Karyo. (Not Reviewed)

TREASURE PLANET (PG) Disney's umpteenth gazillionth project is a sci-fi reworking of Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island, and it's a darker, slightly more adult Disney animation than most (think Atlantis and even Hunchback of Notre Dame). The obligatory bones are thrown to the very young — there's a cute little shape-shifting alien sidekick, a wacky robot voiced by Martin Short, and a being called Flatula who communicates exclusively through farting noises — but many of the characters will probably be too strange or too intense for smaller viewers. All in all, it's pretty close to the way Stevenson originally saw things, but the murky human dynamic doesn't make a particularly successful transposition to a cartoon opus aimed primarily at children. The movie's appeal is further limited by weak songs, a slightly convoluted narrative, and the fact that it's simply too gender-specific for its own good. As much as Pochahontas and Mulan were female fantasies, this is clearly one for the boys. Treasure Planet is as beautifully visualized as anything Disney's done in recent years, but the movie has the distinct feel of a minor effort in the studio's canon. Featuring the voices of Brian Murray, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emma Thompson, David Hyde Pierce, Martin Short and Patrick McGoohan. $$$TWO WEEKS NOTICE (PG-13) What you see is what you get in this pleasant but thoroughly unsurprising romantic comedy that stars Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock doing what each does best. Bullock plays a smart, slightly neurotic but thoroughly adorable lawyer who goes to work for Grant. They're complete opposites — he's a filthy rich Republican and she's a neo-hippie political activist – so, naturally, they fall in love. The script is short on originality or big laughs, but there are no real missteps either. Grant simply plays to type, and to his strengths — he's a charming cad with a heart of gold – and Bullock does a not-half-bad job at reclaiming that America's Sweetheart title she held briefly some time ago. Also stars Alicia Witt. $$$THE WILD THORNBERRYS MOVIE (PG) Well-made, feature-length version of the Nickelodeon animated series about a globe-trotting family of nature enthusiasts, one of whom has the power to talk to the animals. In the big screen version, 12-year old Eliza and her faithful chimp Darwin get sent off to boarding school and then return to Africa to wrangle with a nasty group of poachers. It's not exactly War and Peace, but you could do a lot worse when it comes to kiddie fare. The movie also boasts some new music by Paul Simon and voice talent that includes Lynn Redgrave, Marisa Tomei, Alfre Woodard and Rupert Everett. Opens Dec. 20 at local theaters. $$$

—Reviewed entries by Lance Goldenberg unless otherwise noted.