2 FAST 2 FURIOUS (PG-13) It's hard to imagine that once-respectable director John Singleton is responsible for this tepid time-waster, a sequel so shoddy it makes the idiotic but entertaining original look like Citizen Kane. Former cop and driver extraordinaire Brian O'Connor (blander-than-ever Paul Walker) is back, this time teamed with a fast-talking black buddy (Tyrese) and working undercover to set up a nasty Miami drug lord. The script is mindless, the acting atrocious, and not even the action scenes are particularly exciting (the biggest crowd-pleasers are a couple of cars flying through the air — shots not too far removed from what you'd see on an old Dukes of Hazard rerun). Add some painfully forced repartee between the salt and pepper leads and a hot Latina babe in the wings — whose main credentials seem to be possessing both Gina Gershon's lips and Cindy Crawford's mole — and you've got a near-total bust. Eye candy, pure and simple, but not even particularly good eye candy. Also stars Cole Hauser and Chris "Ludicris" Bridges. 
28 DAYS LATER (R) The country's been devastated by a strange virus and small bands of ragtag survivors fight off hordes of snarling, once-human creatures in this horror movie for the New Dark Ages. Despite the occasional burst of warmth and light, 28 Days Later is a fiercely gritty and even ugly affair, made even more so by jittery editing and the flat, no-frills look of its digital video footage. Many will find the tone a little too faux-hip frenetic (flying in the face of tradition, these zombies move fast), but the raw power and ambitious scale of this blood-drenched journey into the heart of darkness can't be denied. Stars Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Christopher Eccleston, Megan Burns and Brendan Gleeson.
AMErICAN WEDDING (r) American Wedding brings us to the third and hopefully final chapter of the American Pie saga. In this installment, we find some of the original cast missing while those remaining are left with the task of planning a wedding for Jim (Jason Biggs) and Michelle (Alyson Hannigan). The missing characters actually allow for the rest to become a bit more developed, if more annoying, as is the case with Stifler (Sean William Scott). Hijinks ensue as the characters travel on to the next level of disgusting behavior, most of which puts Jim or Stifler into situations that are anywhere from mildly embarrassing to downright humiliating. Amercian Wedding reaches new peaks of absurdity, but its rudimentary style works somehow. Despite the predictable slapstick and unoriginal story line, the movie is surprisingly entertaining. —Leilani Polk
BAD BOYS II (R) Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are Miami cops on the case in London, in this sequel to the '95 action hit. Director Michael Bay (The Rock, Pearl Harbor) returns as well. (Not Reviewed)
BRUCE ALMIGHTY (PG-13) You've seen the trailers and you get the drift: Jim Carrey is endowed with omnipotent power when God decides to sit back and let him run the show for awhile. It's a premise that should have led to great comedic things, but it's almost completely wasted by a lazy, by-the-numbers script that doesn't do a single thing we weren't expecting. There's a nice moment toward the beginning where Carrey parts the waters of a bowl of tomato soup, but it's all downhill from there. It's still fun watching Carrey bounce around and mug for the camera, but the movie simply lacks the imagination to provide any support or follow-through. It all feels like a weak sitcom and makes for one of the most lifeless projects the actor-comedian's ever been involved with. Also stars Jennifer Aniston and Morgan Freeman.
CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE (PG-13) If you liked the first one, odds are this sequel will do the trick too. Full Throttle follows the same exact model as the first Charlie's Angels movie and piles on more of everything that made the original so popular. There's more comedy (pretty much everything here is played for laughs), more silly sexual innuendoes, bigger explosions and more costume changes and cute outfits. The girls all seem to be having the time of their lives as they giggle, shake their booties to MC Hammer and divide their time between ogling boys and kicking some serious male butt (although some of the choicest scenes are the cat fights, of course). Demi Moore shows up, too, flashing her hard body and blinding white smile, the bones in her face jutting out at such dramatic angles it feels like you could cut yourself just by looking at her. The film's appetite for bouncy, crowd-friendly anarchy is pretty much boundless, so much so that the whole experience really feels more like a slumber party than a movie. Stars Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu and Bernie Mac.
CORAL REEF ADVENTURE (G) Another quality IMAX production from the acclaimed team of MacGillivray Freeman (who seem to be able to do this IMAX thing in their sleep), Coral Reef Adventure is a fascinating and somewhat frightening look at an exotic and rapidly disappearing underwater world. Music by flag-waving hippie diehards Crosby, Stills and Nash brings home the environmental message concerning the destruction of the reefs (from a deadly combo of over-fishing and global warming), but the movie has its moments of fun as well. 1/2
FINDING NEMO (PG) Although it doesn't quite scale the heights of previous Pixar projects like Monsters Inc or the Toy Story movies, this latest animated opus is still one heck of a fish story. The computer-generated visuals are as dazzling as ever, the characters are appealing and the gags are consistently clever (and typically savvy of pop culture, with frequent nods to everything from The Shining to 12-step programs). The story just feels a little less inspired this time out. This is the more traditional side of Pixar, sort of an underwater A Bug's Life — but there's still plenty of heart. The little hero's mama gets killed off in the very first scene, opening the way for a narrative that's as much about separation anxiety and overprotective (single) parents as Toy Story 2 was about childhood's end. Featuring the voices of Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Alexander Gould and Willem Dafoe. 1/2
EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING (R) This one might — might — actually be worth a look. Thirteen years after the sublime awfulness of Excorcist III, this latest installment in the famous head-spinning horror franchise arrives with at least one sign of hope. At the helm this time is Paul Schrader, the erratic visionary behind Auto Focus, Mishima, Cat People and a slew of other interesting oddities. As the film's title makes clear as pea soup, this one's a prequel. Another reason to see the movie is thespian's thespian Stellan Skarsgaard, who stars as a younger version of Max von Sydow's demon-battling priest from the earlier (or is it later?) films. (Not Reviewed)
THE EYE (R) Riding in on the wave of Asian horror ushered into the West by The Ring comes this effective but not particularly original effort by Hong Kong's Pang Brothers, Danny and the wonderfully named Oxide. The Eye tells the story of Mun, a blind girl who undergoes a cornea transplant and winds up seeing more than she wants to. Shadowy, black-clad figures who look suspiciously like mimes begin turning up, as well as a number of considerably creepier sights, and it soon becomes clear that Mun's visions are direct glimpses into the not-so-sweet hereafter. The I-see-dead-people stuff is straight out of The Sixth Sense, while the film also manages to cram in nods to everything from The Mothman Prophecies to The Eyes of Laura Mars, but it's all fused into a mostly entertaining and surprisingly scary whole. An American remake is reportedly in the works, so see this one first so you can one-up your friends by telling them how much better the original was. Stars Sin-Je Lee, Laurence Chou and Cutcha Rujinanon. Opens Aug. 1 at Channelside Cinemas. 1/2
GIGLI (R) The awards for the summer's worst pre-opening buzz, worst original premise and most difficult to pronounce title would have to go to this Ben Affleck-Jennifer Lopez project (previously dubbed Tough Love). Gigli (pronounced, as near as I can tell, GEE-Lee) features the ubiquitous celebrity couple as a pair of mob associates watching over a mentally challenged hostage. If this one actually manages to avoid the kiss of death, I might just have to eat my shoe. Maybe both of them. Also stars Justin Bartha and Lainie Kazan. Opens Aug. 1 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)
HOW TO DEAL (PG-13) Things keep going terribly wrong for Halley, a mature-beyond-her-years 17-year-old played by up-and-coming actress Mandy Moore. Divorce, sudden death, unplanned pregnancy and many more undesirable situations appear around every corner of her life. In fact, so many things go awry, not long into the flick you'll begin to halfheartedly wonder what more can happen to Halley — but something good is sure to pop up soon. Advertised as a teen romance, How to Deal is actually more of a coming of age drama, and Halley's contrived romance with Macon (Trent Ford) actually plays a minor part in the movie. Not even Moore's rising star power can save this one. Also stars Allison Janney, Nina Foch, Alexandra Holden, Dylan Baker and Peter Gallagher. —Chris Berger
THE HULK (PG-13) Eric Bana (resembling, from the right angle, a young Christopher Reeves with bad skin) plays mild-mannered scientist Bruce Banner, who, when angered, turns into the gigantic, Mean Green Machine beloved by fans of the original Hulk comic and TV show. Lee turns the story into an Oedipal freak-out about repressed memories, but the movie's freighted with silliness, beginning and ending with a blatantly computer generated central character who elicits more unintentional giggles than gasps of awe. The movie follows the basic Spider-Man model — with the first half devoted to character development, and the later sections filled with action and special effects — but it makes us wait way too long for too little pay-off. Also stars Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte and Sam Elliott. 1/2
THE HUMAN BODY (PG) It's hard not to feel positively microscopic while watching The Human Body, what with all those gigantic internal organs and bodily fluids filling up that seven-story-tall IMAX screen. The movie was three years in the making, but The Human Body is the culmination of decades of technological advances. Pencil-thin endoscopic cameras, thermal imaging and time-slice photography (a Matrix-like freeze-effect) are only some of the cutting-edge techniques employed to great effect here. What couldn't actually be achieved by hook or crook was simulated through computer animation that's often difficult to distinguish from the real thing. The movie is a sort of day in the life of us all, a look at the routine functions performed by many of us in the course of our daily existences, albeit as seen from the inside. 1/2
THE ITALIAN JOB (PG-13) If you're longing for the flair of the Michael Caine original or even some exotic footage of Italy, beware (despite the title, only the brief prologue of this remake is set outside the United States). That said, this generic but energetically choreographed heist flick is passable, no-brainer fun for those able to leave expectations at the door. The movie's plot is nothing more than the boy-meets-girl of its particular sub-genre: a heist, followed by a double-cross, followed by a second heist devised and executed as payback for the first. There's the requisite geeky tech-wizard on hand, a beautiful safecracker, a dashing getaway driver, and the gang's mastermind (the ever-banal Mark Wahlberg), along with a trio of cool little red, white and blue Minis that all but steal the show. Most of the cast looks nearly as bored and robotic as Wahlberg, but several of the heist sequences are entertaining enough to compensate. Also stars Edward Norton, Charlize Theron and Seth Green. 1/2
JOHNNY ENGLISH (PG) The lovable Mr. Bean stars in this James Bond spoof. He's supposed to rescue the crown jewels and save the monarchy. Hmmm, must we really wonder whether or not he'll succeed? Stars Rowan Atkinson, Natalie Imbruglia, John Malkovich, Ben Miller, Tim Pigott-Smith and Oliver Ford Davies. (Not Reviewed)
LARA CROFT: TOMB RAIDER: THE CRADLE OF LIFE (PG-13) Angelina Jolie resumes her role of Lara Croft the female version of Indiana Jones. Now, Croft is seeking, you guessed it, the Cradle of Life, which is where Pandora's Box is rumored to be located. Can you spell fast-paced action-adventure? Also stars Djimon Hounsou, Gerard Butler, Ciaran Hinds, Djimon Hounsou, Til Schweiger and Noah Taylor. (Not Reviewed)
L'AUBERGE ESPAGNOLE (R) An odd, jittery, lovely little movie about everything and nothing. No, it's not a feature-length episode of Seinfeld. L'Auberge Espagnole is the latest film from French director Cedric Klapisch (When the Cat's Away), and it perfectly captures the endless possibilities, sexy aimlessness and abrupt detours of youth. At the same time, Klapisch offers up a love letter to the city of Barcelona as poignant and perfectly realized as the cinematic poems to Paris dashed off by Truffaut and Godard all those many years ago. There's no real plot here, just a small group of international exchange students sharing an apartment in Barcelona, but the film never suffers from a lack of energy, emotion or artistic panache. Stars Roman Duris, Judith Godreche, Audrey Tautou and Cecile de France.
THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN (PG-13) It's 1899 in an alternate England, where a group of "singular individuals" join forces to combat an evil genius who's about to plunge the world into chaos. Sean Connery stars as the legendary adventurer Allen Quartermain, leader of the titular League, a super-powered crew that also includes Captain Nemo, The Invisible Man, Dorian Grey, a vampiric acquaintance of Dracula's, and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The mix-and-match isn't quite as absurd as it sounds, but the characters never quite click as a cohesive superhero unit, nor do they really engage us as individuals. Likewise, the movie itself is a somewhat clumsy mish-mash of a quaintly old-fashioned adventure story for boys and a modern special effects blow-out. Director Stephen Norrington gives the film a dark veneer not dissimilar to Burton's Batman's or even Norrington's own Blade, alternating between frenetic action sequences and gloomy passages in which the characters are obliged to engage in token brooding about their dark sides. Connery's not bad for a geezer, and Stuart Townsend has fun channeling a young Johnny Depp as Dorian Grey, but the rest of the cast is pretty much faceless. Also stars Shane West and Jason Fleming.
LEGALLY BLONDE 2: RED, WHITE AND BLONDE (PG-13) LB2 has perky, perfectly put together Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon) shaking up things in the nation's capitol when she goes on a crusade against animal testing. This sequel — which might have effectively been subtitled Blonde Ambition or Blonde Justice — isn't nearly as much fun as the original, which scored points for self-mocking irony and general pop silliness. This time out, the filmmakers opt more for sincerity, and the movie winds up too often just seeming blandly sanctimonious. The model here is clearly Frank Capra, and specifically his Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, but Reese's over-accessorized Everywoman has almost as difficult a time filling Jimmy Stewart's shoes as Adam Sandler did not so long ago. Also stars Regina King, Jennifer Coolidge, Bruce McGill, Bob Newhart and Luke Wilson.
MAN ON THE TRAIN (R) Patrice Leconte, the gifted filmmaker responsible for such lovely cine-poems as Monsieur Hire and The Hairdresser's Husband, returns with this slight but elegantly bittersweet comedy about changing places. Leconte's latest is, in many ways, a fairly standard odd couple affair about a reserved teacher and a shifty crook who each envy the other's life, but the director's customary style and the amazing stars transform the movie into something that is anything but standard. The great Jean Rochefort delivers yet another memorable performance as the homebody yearning for danger, while French pop icon Johnny Hallyday is equally fine as the craggy thief who just wants a warm fire and a pair of cozy slippers. The stars' chemistry is irresistible and, despite an overly self-conscious faux-metaphysical finale, so is the film.
THE MATRIX RELOADED (R) Although this long-awaited, technically dazzling sequel to The Matrix doesn't quite succeed in positioning itself in that lofty pantheon of mythic epics, it's not for lack of trying. There's more of just about everything here, from the quasi-spiritual questing of Keanu Reeves' hero-messiah, to the pumped up shock and awe of the ingenious special effects, to the sheer size of the movie's scenario. The Matrix Reloaded is only sporadically successful at conjuring up the sense of mystery and unlimited possibilities that took us by surprise and hooked us in the first installment. That said, if you can get past your own unnaturally high expectations, there's a lot here to make anybody sit up and take notice. The state-of-art action sequences are still as exhilarating as they come and there are moments of grand poetic excess sprinkled throughout. It all ends on a literal cliffhanger that ultimately makes it difficult to judge the movie as anything beyond a prelude to the series' grand finale. Also stars Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Hugo Weaving. 1/2
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN (PG-13) The story here isn't much more than you'd expect from a theme park ride turned big screen blockbuster, but so what? The real reason to see Pirates of the Caribbean is Johnny Depp, who's a total gas-gas-gas as the Keith Richards-inspired rock "n' roll pirate Jack Sparrow. Depp flashes his gold teeth and mascara-lined eyes, swashbuckling and swishing about in an apparently perpetual stoned-out state of grace. Geoffrey Rush is no slouch either as the scenery-chewing leader of a pack of zombie pirates straight out of an old Scooby Doo cartoon. The rest of the movie basically amounts to a skillful and modestly engaging blend of battle scenes and comedy (with just a sprinkling of romance and horror thrown in), all given a nice spit-and-polish thanks to director Gore Verbinski's usual high production values. The movie's too long by almost a full half-hour and some of the score seems directly cribbed from Coppola's Dracula, but, again, this is Depp's show all the way, and not much else matters. Also stars Keira Knightley. 1/2
rUGrATS GO WILD (PG) Two batches of Nickelodeon cartoon characters for the price of one, although the fun factor is barely half of what you might reasonably expect from a project like this. This team-up of the animated kiddies from Nick's popular rugrats and Wild Thornberrys TV shows does feature one nice (albeit underused) gimmick — a scratch 'n' sniff card — but it's all downhill from there. The movie contains the requisite boogers and poop jokes and should do well with its primary 3- to 7-year-old target audience, but most adult chaperones will find little of interest. The script feels like it was knocked out in an afternoon, the animation has a cheaper-than-usual look, and there's almost nothing here as funny or interesting as the previous rugrats movies, or even one of the half-hour TV episodes. Featuring the voices of Bruce Willis, Jodi Carlisle, Christine Cavanaugh and Tim Curry.
SEABISCUIT (PG-13) Seabiscuit chronicles the over achieving stallion that captured America's fancy during the height of the Great Depression. This sentimental drama focuses on the three diverse people in Seabiscuit's life, who team up to conquer long odds. Fire-blooded jockey Red Pollard (Tobey Maguire), eccentric trainer Tom Smith (Chris Cooper) and nice-guy owner Charles Howard (Jeff Bridges) work together to take the horse all the way to the top. The film's relatable characters and attention-grabbing race scenes prove that a historical sports drama can gallop ahead of other summer blockbusters. 1/2—Chris Berger
SIEGFRIED AND ROY: THE MAGIC BOX (PG) As magnificently overblown a piece of Uber Kitsch as you could ever want to find, Siggy and Roy's 3-D movie is a big, gaudy, guilty pleasure for the whole family. Stars Siegfried Fischbacher and Roy Uwe Ludwig Horn. 1/2
SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS (PG) As animated adventure-fantasies go, Sinbad gets everything pretty much right. As the cliche goes, kids will love it, and adults will be reasonably entertained as well. If you're looking for that something extra, though — that inexplicable spark of inspiration that infuses animated movies such as the Toy Story films, for instance, or even Finding Nemo — don't expect to find it here. What you will find in Sinbad is perfectly acceptable family fare. A briskly told tale of Sinbad's adventures as he encounters various mythological beasties on his quest to recover a missing, mystical book. There's a good bit of Indiana Jones in Sinbad's DNA, and, indeed, much of DreamWorks' movie resembles raiders of the Lost Ark more than the classic Sinbad legends of yore. The look of the animation is too closely modeled after DreamWorks' Prince of Egypt and The road to El Dorado, with old-school 2-D drawings blending somewhat awkwardly with more immediately arresting 3-D computer-generated imagery. Arabian Nights origins aside, don't expect any specific Arabic typecasting here, or Aladdin-like "It's barbaric, but, hey, it's home" quips to stir up controversy in our hypersensitive, post 9-11 world. Featuring the voices of Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Michelle Pfeiffer, Joseph Fiennes and Dennis Haysbert.
SPY KIDS 3-D: GAME OVER (PG) Director Robert Rodriguez seems to have invested so much of his creative energies in the wall-to-wall 3-D effects that dominate his new movie, that there was nothing left over for an actual story or even interesting characters. Spy Kids 3-D ultimately coasts on little more than a gimmick and an ability not to take itself too seriously. And even the 3-D effects, cool as they are, still depend upon looking through those funky blue-red glasses, something sure to eventually generate a headache. The movie winds up coming off as a little too close to the video games it's supposed to be spoofing. On the other hand, maybe it's just Tron with better visuals and fewer pretensions. Stars Daryl Sabara, Alexa Varga, Sylvester Stallone and Antonio Banderas. 1/2
TErMINATOr 3: rISE OF THE MACHINES (r) Tempting as it is, we probably can't even say that the once-mighty Terminator franchise went out with a whimper, not with a bang. The sad truth of the matter is that The House That Arnold Built refuses to die, and this boring little mediocrity can barely contain its enthusiasm at setting us up for sequels to come. James Cameron wisely chose to distance himself from this faceless non-entity, which mostly just goes through the motions, recycling action riffs and catch phrases from the earlier Terminator movies and plopping them on the screen with little or no style, wit or imagination. The plot and dialogue are sophomoric, the acting forgettable (with the possible exception of Claire Danes), and the whole thing plays like a cross between a made-for-TV movie and a spoof of the original T1 and T2 as directed by the kid in rushmore. No matter how low your expectations are for this one, they're apt to be shattered. Stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nick Stahl and Kristannia Loken. 1/2
WHALE rIDEr (r) It's easy to see why this New Zealand import is attracting so much praise from critics and audiences alike. Director Niki Caro infuses a heartwarming coming of age story with just the right amount of ethnic exotica, mother earth mysticism and political correctness. It results in an adventure tale that has something for everybody, from folklore aficionados to feminists to plain old film lovers. Eleven-year-old Keisha Castle-Huges makes a memorable debut as Pai, a Maori girl who wants to be taken seriously in the male-dominated society of her people. Pai comes from a long line of chiefs but, even though it's clear she's destined to carry on that tradition, stern but loving grandpa Koro (rawiri Paratene) won't have any of it. The love/hate relationship between the young girl and the old man is at the heart of the film, but Whale rider's uplifting message, interesting local color, beautiful New Zealand locations and sweetly revisionist mysticism are the icing on the cake. Also stars Vicki Haughton. 1/2
WINGED MIGrATION (G) Short on facts, devoid of maps, graphs and talking heads, but filled with absolutely exquisite images that put us up close and personal with our fine, featured friends. This Oscar-nominated production is anything but your standard nature documentary. Winged Migration is a cinematic poem, pure and simple, a visual ode to all things avian. A 450-person crew, including 14 cinematographers, labored for four years in 40 different countries, following the migrating paths of dozens of varieties of birds from the American West to the sands of the Sahara to the Arctic Circle. Specially modified, ultra-light flying cameras were employed, giving us a sense of actually flying right alongside these creatures, allowing us to look right into their eyes and listen to the sounds of their breathing and of their wings as they flap. The overall experience is often breathtaking, although the movie has a tendency to veer into mystical la-la land, an inclination accentuated by Bruno Coulais' overpowering soundtrack mixing French New Age pop with faux-medieval chants. For the most part, though, it's a marvelous film, especially for anyone with the least bit of interest in, well, bird-watching. Those who've seen Microcosmos, director Jacques Perrin's earlier ode to the mondo bizarro realm of insects, will have some idea of what to expect. 1/2
X2 (PG-13) The story is richer and more intricate than in the original X-Men (itself a pretty fair ride), and the characters are fleshed out in ways that make them even more intriguing. On the surface, Singer's film has all the black/white, good/evil dichotomies necessary to fuel a good action flick, but the movie also reveals all sorts of subtleties and ambiguities. This time, the mutants find themselves in the middle of a sinister plot hatched by various forces bent on jump-starting an all-out war between humans and mutants, forcing them to team up with their old nemesis, the uber-mutant Magneto (Ian McKellen). The movie is filled with uneasy alliances: conflicted heroes who do bad things and conflicted villains who do good things. Also stars Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Famke Janssen, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and Brian Cox. —Reviewed entries by Lance Goldenberg unless otherwise noted
This article appears in Jul 31 – Aug 6, 2003.