NEW RELEASES
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III (PG-13) Summer’s officially here with this latest addition to yet another massively popular action franchise based on yet another vintage TV series. Tom Cruise returns, fresh from his baby-making marketing tie-in with Katie Holmes, and Oscar-winner Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Capote) gets to collect a big paycheck while chewing the scenery as a villainous arms dealer. Also stars Ving Rhames, Billy Crudup, Michelle Monaghan, Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Laurence Fishburne. Opens May 5 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)
RECENT RELEASES
ADAM AND STEVE (NR) The New Queer Cinema may not be so new anymore, but great gay films continue to push the boundaries of what the cinema can do. That said, what we have here is just the sort of thing that gives gay movies a bad name. Adam & Steve is an often embarrassingly inept, broadly-written boy-meets-boy comedy that combines all the blandest clichés of straight romantic comedies with all the most repellent excesses of gross-out gag flicks. The performances and technical aspects are amateurish and the movie never settles on one tone for long enough to allow us to figure out what it’s supposed to be doing. Adam & Steve is pumped up by familiar faces like Parker Posey and Chris Kattan, but nothing helps. Also stars Malcolm Gets (of Caroline in the City) and Craig Chester, who’s also responsible for writing and directing this time-waster. 1.5 stars
AKEELAH AND THE BEE (PG) Moviegoers who just couldn’t get enough of Spellbound — you know who you are — might be more than a little curious about this tale of an 11-year-old girl who struggles against the odds and unites her community when she enters a national spelling bee. The studio’s publicity flacks are throwing around the word “inspirational” a lot for this one, so be warned. Stars Laurence Fishburne, Angela Bassett, Keke Palmer and Curtis Armstrong. (Not Reviewed)
AMERICAN DREAMZ (PG-13) Say what you will about writer-director Paul Weitz’s defiantly low-brow American Pie, but at least the movie knew how to make us laugh (even if we felt horribly guilty as each giggle and guffaw spontaneously erupted from some unmanageable place deep within us). American Dreamz, Weitz’s latest movie, wants to pass itself off as something significantly more meaningful — a satire of American politics and pop culture — but not only does the film fail miserably in its loftier goals, the thing isn’t even remotely funny. The movie takes aim at targets so ridiculously huge they’re already practically parodies of themselves, giving us a dim-witted Bush-like Prez (Dennis Quaid) who becomes a judge on an American Idol-like TV show where one of contestants is an Arab — secretly a terrorist, natch, albeit one who loves show tunes. Smart, irreverent guys like South Park’s Matt Stone and Trey Parker would have had a field day with this material, but Weitz thinks that all he has to do is it put all these elements in close proximity to one another and the rest will take care of itself. It doesn’t. There are hardly any decent jokes here, and the sole “meaningful” idea is that — news flash! — politics and people and pop culture are all kind of silly. Also stars Hugh Grant, Mandy Moore, Willem Dafoe, Chris Klein, Marcia Gay Harden and Sam Golzari. 1.5 stars
BASIC INSTINCT 2 (R) Sharon Stone reprises her role as sexed-up seductress Catherine Tramell, an icy, egomaniacal blonde who takes erotic pleasure in manipulating men, and who also may or may not be a serial killer. This time out, Tramell has relocated to London, where she finds herself again under suspicion when everyone around her starts turning up dead. None of it makes much sense, the movie tosses around red herrings like rice at a wedding, and Stone’s character passes the time by making lewd comments and playing head games with a handsome young psychiatrist (David Morrisey). Despite the classy English accents, BI2 is an even dopier outing than the original, with Stone’s character drained of any vestiges of mystery or nuance. Desperately wanting to be lurid, the movie puts all sorts of outrageous come-ons in Stone’s mouth and spends a lot of time prowling around the contours of the actress’s body, but it all feels pretty lame. Surgical enhancements aside, Stone is just too long in the tooth to pull off this sex goddess thing, and the film’s attempts at generating an erotic charge feel gutless and way too calculated to work either as cheap thrills or even as camp. Also stars David Thewlis and Charlotte Rampling. 1.5 stars
BENCHWARMERS (PG-13) You know you’re in trouble when Rob Schneider turns out to be the straight man in the movie you’re watching. And that’s only the beginning of the problems with Benchwarmers. Adam Sandler was the “brains” behind this project, donning a producer’s cap and convincing several of his old SNL buddies to crawl out from under their respective rocks and come together for a predictable fusion of Revenge of the Nerds, Bad News Bears and every movie made over the past few decades featuring one or more former SNL players. The story involves geeky grown-ups Schneider, David Spade (sporting a really dumb Beatles do) and Jon Heder (basically reprising his Napoleon Dynamite shtick) clobbering teams of small children in baseball (although the kids are supposedly bullies, so there’s a message here, sorta). Jon Lovitz gets in a few funny bits as the team’s billionaire patron, but the bulk of the movie amounts to a string of fart jokes, gay jokes, booger-eating and product placements for Pizza Hut. The movie is mainly notable for a raunch factor that renders its PG-13 rating very nearly meaningless and what well may be the worst closing credit outtakes ever. Also stars Craig Kilborn, Tim Meadows (looking even more superfluous than he did on SNL) and Molly Sims. 2 stars
EIGHT BELOW (PG-13) Paul Walker is the nominal star here, but the bulk of the movie is devoted, happily so, to the trials and tribulations of a sled team of dogs stranded and struggling to survive in the Antarctic winter. Don’t expect March of the Penguins, but you will find an unexpectedly satisfying sense of authenticity to this project, with moments that are both exciting and (yes, you knew this was coming) inspirational grounded in events that feel not so far removed from real life. There are a few false notes (including an awful CGI misfire) but the story has a nice, Jack London-esque feel, and the film’s cinematography is almost as gorgeous as its husky and malamute heroes. Also stars Bruce Greenwood. 3 stars
FAILURE TO LAUNCH (PG-13) Surprisingly quirky, this flick rides the wave of your basic romantic comedy, but with exciting and unexpected twists. While Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker play familiar roles — Matthew as the hot, laid-back leading man content with living at home forever, Sarah as the sexy leading lady hired on by his folks to get him out — the supporting actors, namely Zooey Deschanel, Terry Bradshaw and Kathy Bates, are luminous. There are a few Ben Stiller-esque moments of physical comedy and one too many shots of middle-aged male ass, but overall, it’s a fun movie. 3 stars Erin Rashbaum
FRIENDS WITH MONEY (R) A Sundance film by way of its general plotlessness and obsessive urge to talk, but a chick flick in its undeniably female perspective, Friends with Money is full of a small, closely observed moments that never quite add up to much. It revolves around three affluent couples, with particular attention paid to their significantly less than wealthy friend Olivia (Jennifer Aniston) who works as a maid, smokes too much pot and can’t manage to keep a boyfriend. The other, richer characters in the movie are involved in mostly unhappy relationships as well, and even the ones with less visible signs of relationship strain are going through nervous breakdowns of their own for other, essentially unexplained reasons. There are some nice little moments here and there, and the film is worth checking out if only for the natural way its ensemble cast play off one another, but the cumulative effect is a lot like watching a handful of mildly interesting women unloading with ninety minutes of therapy. Stars Jennifer Aniston, Frances McDormand, Joan Cusack, Catherine Keener, Simon McBurney, Jason Isaacs and Greg Germann. 3 stars
HARD CANDY (R) Perverts may never be the same after seeing this psychological thriller, in which professional photographer/pedophiliac stalker Jeff Kohlver (Patrick Wilson of Phantom of the Opera) arranges a rendezvous with 14-year-old Hayley Stark (Ellen Page). Kohlver takes the precocious teen back to his place where he plans to do some very bad things. But she’s no helpless naïf and she restrains Kohlver, threatening him with torture and the disclosure of his kiddie porn fetish. What could have been Hard Candy’s strongest element — its characters — disappoints when the players fall into clichéd performances mid-way through the film. The merciless Stark displays every archetypal quirk of a deranged anti-hero while belated character development leaves Kohlver a two-dimensional pervert for much of the movie. The result is a highly stylized film, but one with little merit. 2 stars Matthew Pleasant
THE HILLS HAVE EYES (R) Alexander Aja, the French filmmaker who some would argue deconstructed the slasher flick with High Tension, takes a stab at remaking the granddaddy of the genre, Wes Craven’s 1977 love letter to inbred mutant cannibalistic families. The big questions here are how straight Aja will play things this time, and whether the French-speaking director is up to dealing with a cast of English-speaking actors. Stars Aaron Stanford, Vinessa Shaw, Kathleen Quinlan and Emilie de Ravin. (Not Reviewed)
INSIDE MAN (R) The usual good guy/bad guy bank robbery is turned on its ear in Spike Lee’s gritty dramatic thriller. With his knack for making typically-clichéd racial issues interesting and creating comedic moments at unexpected times, Lee’s fast-paced movie keeps you guessing ’til the very end. Denzel Washington plays the cop who’s brought in to handle a hostage situation that’s been meticulously organized by Clive Owen’s mysterious character. Jodie Foster is compelling as a power broker protecting the interests of the obscenely-wealthy bank owner (Christopher Plummer in a role just like every other he’s ever had). Sure, Willem Dafoe deserves more camera time and there are enough product placements to make you wanna stick that iPod up the producer’s arse, but Inside Man has a strong plotline and good acting. And Jodie Foster’s legs … well, they’re nice, too. 3 stars Erin Rashbaum
JOYEUX NOEL (PG-13) French director Christian Carion crafts a sweet but rather dull story around the informal truces that spontaneously erupted in the trenches of Europe during the Christmas of 1914. Joyeux Noel (Merry Christmas) introduces us to a warring cross-section of Germans, Frenchmen and Scots, and then milks the emotion for all it’s worth when the foes begin breaking bread together, singing carols and passing around family photos. The film is handsomely crafted, with a handful of genuinely effective sequences, but the characters are sketchily drawn, virtually every scene goes on for far too long, and Carion almost always chooses to jerk a few tears out of us rather than exploring the more profound aspects of what’s going on up on the screen. There’s an admirable sincerity to this tale of World War I soldiers yearning for peace, but the whole film isn’t worth a single frame of Jean Renoir’s Grand Illusion, a film that on paper might sound to be somewhat similar. Stars Benno Furmann, Guillaume Canet, Gary Lewis, Diane Kruger and Danny Boon. 2.5 stars
LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN (R) It’s nearly impossible to tell what’s going on during much of Lucky Number Slevin and, curiously enough, that’s when the movie is at its best. The film’s thoroughly cryptic and convoluted first half is one long, self-consciously clever riddle. But once the puzzle starts coming together, and the movie morphs from quirky tease to numbing seriousness, Lucky Number Slevin reveals itself as another classic case of less than meets the eye. Director Paul McGuigen and screenwriter Jason Smilovic pile on the twists and turns in a case of mistaken identity that involves a pair of feuding gangsters (Morgan Freeman and Ben Kingsley), a hired assassin (Bruce Willis) and the poor slob who finds himself caught in the middle of it all (Josh Hartnett). Smilovic, clearly a graduate of the Quentin Tarantino School of Screenwriting, overloads the film with archly self-aware dialogue and pop culture references, then places his characters in a world where the sensationalistic becomes bizarrely mundane and the mundane is so exaggerated that it begins to feel almost surreal. Also stars Lucy Liu. 3 stars
MARILYN HOTCHKISS’ BALLROOM DANCING AND CHARM SCHOOL (PG-13) A half-digested mix of dopey camp, coming-of-age treacle and weepie mid-life crisis flick, this strange misfire is bland to the bone, although some might be offended by its inept attempt at combining contradictory tones. The movie includes three different narratives set in three different times, and it’s all framed by the story told by a dying man (an over-the-top John Goodman) to a forlorn baker (Robert Carlyle) still dealing with his wife’s suicide. We suffer through endless flashbacks of Goodman’s first love and his introduction into the world of social etiquette via the titular charm school, then plod along with Carlyle’s character as he visits that same school many years later. Cameos by respected actors are sprinkled throughout (Danny DeVito and Mary Steenburgen among them), but overall the film is as amateurish as it is predictable. Also stars Marisa Tomei, Donnie Wahlberg and Sean Astin. 1.5 stars
SILENT HILL (R) Yes, it’s yet another scary movie based on a video game. But before you start rolling your eyes as visions of Resident Evil flood your weary brain, consider that the director here is Christophe Gans, whose Brotherhood of the Wolf infused a breath of originality and elegance into the horror genre a few years back. As for a plot, Silent Hill takes place in a town where the inhabitants are battling all sorts of freaky, evil thingies — a set-up that sounds a whole lot like, you guessed it, Resident Evil. Stars Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Laurie Holden and Deborah Unger. (Not Reviewed)
SLITHER (R) A thoroughly entertaining homage to ’80s horror flicks that’s smart enough to incorporate all the best influences — Stuart Gordon’s Re-Animator and From Beyond, Cronenberg-ian body horror a la Shivers, lots of Joe Dante stuff — but down-to-earth enough not to get all Scream postmodern-y about what it’s doing. The movie’s not above poking fun at itself and its influences, but it knows how to scare us too, and even the obligatory clichés are handled with a certain panache. We get lots of oozing protoplasm, hordes of parasitic, mind-controlling slugs, shambling, brain-eating zombies and some serious weirdness meted out to children and animals. What more could you ask for in a guilty pleasure? Stars Elizabeth Banks, Michael Rooker, Jenna Fischer and Nathan Fillion. 3.5 stars
TAKE THE LEAD (PG-13) It’s To Sir With Love meets Mad Hot Ballroom, hip-hop style, when a professional ballroom dancer (Antonio Banderas) lands a gig in a New York City high school and finds his old-school methods challenged by modern attitudes. Despite sounding like a fusion of way too many movies floating around in the pop culture ether, Take the Lead insists that it’s actually based on a true story. Also stars Alfre Woodard, Ray Liotta, Rob Brown and Dante Basco. (Not Reviewed)
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING (R) A sensation at Sundance and at the Toronto Film Festival, Thank You For Smoking doesn’t quite live up to the buzz but it’s good, nasty fun nonetheless. Aaron Eckhart (The Company of Men) has his moment in the sun as the perfectly named Nick Naylor, a sliver-tongued shill for the tobacco industry who never met a piece of spin he didn’t like. Morallly flexible to the max, Nick has made his deal with the devil, but he’s also smart and curiously likeable — as is the movie — and both of them eventually have us eating out of their hands. First-time writer-director Jason Reitman (son of perennial Hollywood fixture Ivan) positions Nick at the center of a deliciously non-PC satire of modern-day life and a culture grounded in the notion that everything is for sale. The film fans out in too many directions as it unfolds, and by the end there are at least two or three irons too many in the fire — a kidnapping scheme, a scheming potential love interest (Katie Holmes) and Nick’s impressionable son (Cameron Bright) all vie for screen time — but, Thank You For Smoking still gets its job done in style. So far, this is the funniest and smartest American comedy of the year. Also stars Robert Duvall, Adam Brody, Maria Bello and David Koechner. 4 stars
TSOTSI (R) A little South African film that recently snagged a big American Oscar (Best Foreign Language Film of 2006), Tsotsi takes us somewhere that few American moviegoers have seen on screen, much less in real life: the colorful, crime-ridden shantytowns outside of Johannesburg. Then again, if it weren’t for the exotic authenticity of that location, there wouldn’t be much here to remember. Tsotsi is a well-meaning but terminally superficial morality tale about a badly misbehaving man-child (Presley Chweneyagae) who steals a car, discovers a squalling infant in the back seat, and, inexplicably, brings the baby back to his shantytown lair to care for it. The movie mood-swings from Pulp Fiction to Three Men and a Baby, repeatedly pounding home the message that Tsotsi is damaged goods seeking redemption. There are some powerful moments here, but ultimately the film is more about easy slogans than it is about the nuances of character, and it’s more interested in manipulating our emotions than in exploring ideas. It doesn’t help that Chweneyagae, an actor of limited range, doesn’t bring much complexity to the role of Tsotsi, nor that the script works mostly in shorthand, unfolding in broad, easily digestible chunks in predictable synch with a generic soundtrack of gangsta-rap-meets-world-beat (for the “tough” passages) and swooning synthesizers (signifying all that cosmic redemption waiting in the wings). Also stars Terry Pheto, Mothusi Magano, Kenneth Nkosi and Zenzo Ngqobe. 3 stars
UNITED 93 (R) An unabashedly tough but brilliant film, United 93 is less about suspense and more about provoking something not unlike the debilitating, all-pervasive queasiness that an act of terror strives to instill in us. An account of the one plane hijacked on September 11 that failed to hit its target, United 93 shows us from its opening moments that the worst is in store; from then on, it’s all about waiting for the other shoe to drop. Much of the first hour unfolds as a collection of small, seemingly inconsequential details that simply bring us into the reality of what we’re observing. By the time the movie skillfully segues from everyday banalities into the chaos of September 11, cutting between events in the air and on the ground, the tension is excruciating. We see things as they actually appeared at the time, imperfectly, piecemeal, through the eyes of various air controllers and military personal struggling to make sense of the situation, with director Paul Greengrass orchestrating the confusion like a mysterious, terrible symphony. Greengrass strives for maximum authenticity here, casting mostly unknowns and capturing details on the fly with agile, highly attentive cameras more concerned with energy and emotion than with painterly compositions or a strict allegiance to focus. The film’s final fifty minutes — from roughly the time the hijackers of United 93 start randomly slitting throats to the flight’s fiery end — play out in real time, with a level of intensity that’s not for the faint-hearted. It’s miles from Bowie telling us we can all be heroes, but if every disaster film is ultimately a film about triumph — and the bigger the catastrophe the bigger the glory — then this one is off the scale. Stars David Alan Bashe, Richard Bekins, Ben Sliney, Trish Gates, Denny Dillon, Khalid Abdalla and Susan Blommaert. 4.5 stars
V FOR VENDETTA (PG-13) Taking the political flirtations of movies like Syriana and The War Within one giant leap forward (or backward, depending on your perspective), V For Vendetta gives us a bona fide hero who is also a bona fide terrorist. His cause is a just one (overthrowing a tyrannical dictatorship), and he’s one of us (freedom-loving Westerners) as opposed to one of them (dogma-toting jihadists), but V For Vendetta still means to have us pumping our fists in support of the symbolic power of blowing up landmark buildings. There are some marvelous bits and pieces here, but what you’re more likely to remember are the swathes of poorly paced storytelling and pompous speeches replete with simple-minded politics. By the time V’s final credits roll to the tune of the Stones’ Street Fighting Man, the whole thing may seem about as convincing as the notion of Sir Mick the revolutionary. The film moves forward and backwards simultaneously, chronicling the rise of a fascist, post-apocalyptic Britain, the armed struggle of the masked insurrectionist V (Hugo Weaving), and the gradual consciousness-raising of V’s young cohort Evey (Natalie Portman). Portman’s performance here isn’t one of her best (the English accent is iffy) while Weaving struggles to engage the audience while wearing a mask the entire time, and the chemistry between the two is minimal. Still, the couple’s peculiar love connection does have a certain kitschy appeal, if only in a Phantom of the Opera/English Patient sort of way. It’s not much, but it’s enough to keep us interested while we’re waiting for the next building to explode. Also stars Stephen Rea, Stephen Fry and John Hurt. 3 stars
THE WILD (PG) Disney’s refusal to screen this in time for critics’ deadlines isn’t exactly a good sign, but how bad could it be? Expensive, state-of-the-art computer animation, goofy talking animals, celebrity voice talent and some sort of Madagascar-esque shenanigans about urban zoo critters adjusting to life in the great outdoors — at the very least, it sounds right up the alleys of the film’s target 10-and-under audience. Features the voices of Kiefer Sutherland, Janeane Garofalo, James Belushi, Eddie Izzard and William Shatner. (Not Reviewed)
This article appears in May 3-9, 2006.
