NEW RELEASES
ADAM AND STEVE (NR) The New Queer Cinema may not be so new anymore, but great gay films continue to push the boundaries of what the cinema can do. That said, what we have here is just the sort of thing that gives gay movies a bad name. Adam & Steve is an often embarrassingly inept, broadly-written boy-meets-boy comedy that combines all the blandest clichés of straight romantic comedies with all the most repellent excesses of gross-out gag flicks. The performances and technical aspects are amateurish and the movie never settles on one tone for long enough to allow us to figure out what it's supposed to be doing. Adam & Steve is pumped up by familiar faces like Parker Posey and Chris Kattan, but nothing helps. Also stars Malcolm Gets (of Caroline in the City) and Craig Chester, who's also responsible for writing and directing this time-waster. Opens April 21 at Sunrise Cinemas in Tampa. Please call theater to confirm. 1.5 stars
AMERICAN DREAMZ (PG-13) Say what you will about writer-director Paul Weitz's defiantly low-brow American Pie, but at least the movie knew how to make us laugh (even if we felt horribly guilty as each giggle and guffaw spontaneously erupted from some unmanageable place deep within us). American Dreamz, Weitz's latest movie, wants to pass itself off as something significantly more meaningful — a satire of American politics and pop culture — but not only does the film fail miserably in its loftier goals, the thing isn't even remotely funny. The movie takes aim at targets so ridiculously huge they're already practically parodies of themselves, giving us a dim-witted Bush-like Prez (Dennis Quaid) who becomes a judge on an American Idol-like TV show where one of contestants is an Arab — secretly a terrorist, natch, albeit one who loves show tunes. Smart, irreverent guys like South Park's Matt Stone and Trey Parker would have had a field day with this material, but Weitz thinks that all he has to do is it put all these elements in close proximity to one another and the rest will take care of itself. It doesn't. There are hardly any decent jokes here, and the sole "meaningful" idea is that — news flash! — politics and people and pop culture are all kind of silly. Also stars Hugh Grant, Mandy Moore, Willem Dafoe, Chris Klein, Marcia Gay Harden and Sam Golzari. Opens April 21 at local theaters. 1.5 stars
THE SENTINEL (PG-13) Kiefer Sutherland seems to be doing a variation of his 24 schtick here, racing around with fellow secret service agent Michael Douglas while the life of the President of the United States is in danger. The bankable cast also features Eva Longoria and, in a major assault to credulity, Kim Basinger as the First Lady. Opens April 21 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)
SILENT HILL (R) Yes, it's yet another scary movie based on a video game. But before you start rolling your eyes as visions of Resident Evil flood your weary brain, consider that the director here is Christophe Gans, whose Brotherhood of the Wolf infused a breath of originality and elegance into the horror genre a few years back. As for a plot, Silent Hill takes place in a town where the inhabitants are battling all sorts of freaky, evil thingies — a set-up that sounds a whole lot like, you guessed it, Resident Evil. Stars Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Laurie Holden and Deborah Unger. Opens April 21 at local theaters. (Not Reviewed)
RECENT RELEASES
16 BLOCKS (PG-13) Bruce Willis plays a cynical NYPD vet with a bum leg, a drinking problem and a hairline that's receded back beyond the outer rings of Saturn. Mos Def's character, Eddie, is a somewhat simple-minded guy whose disposition is every bit as sunny as Willis' is terminally sour. Naturally, the two wind up on the run together, learning valuable life lessons from one another as they try to avoid legions of dirty cops trying to keep Eddie from testifying against one of their ranks. Willis isn't acting so much as retreading a slightly older, gloomier version of his stock type, and his performance is mainly defined by an ability to appear paunchy and shriveled simultaneously. Def affects a nasal, nerdy persona that makes us occasionally feel like we're watching Forrest Gump stuck in a Bruce Willis shoot-'em-up. Both actors remain curiously watchable, though — that's the eternal mystery of star power for you, folks — and even when the movie tests our patience with leaps in logic and lack of originality, 16 Blocks works fairly well as a tautly crafted feature-length chase, with just enough human drama to ground things in the end. Also stars David Morse, Conrad Pla and Cylk Cozart. 2.5 stars
BASIC INSTINCT 2 (R) Sharon Stone reprises her role as sexed-up seductress Catherine Tramell, an icy, egomaniacal blonde who takes erotic pleasure in manipulating men, and who also may or may not be a serial killer. This time out, Tramell has relocated to London, where she finds herself again under suspicion when everyone around her starts turning up dead. None of it makes much sense, the movie tosses around red herrings like rice at a wedding, and Stone's character passes the time by making lewd comments and playing head games with a handsome young psychiatrist (David Morrisey). Despite the classy English accents, BI2 is an even dopier outing than the original, with Stone's character drained of any vestiges of mystery or nuance. Surgical enhancements aside, Stone is just too long in the tooth to pull off this sex goddess thing. Also stars David Thewlis and Charlotte Rampling. 1.5 stars
BENCHWARMERS (PG-13) You know you're in trouble when Rob Schneider turns out to be the straight man in the movie you're watching. And that's only the beginning of the problems with Benchwarmers. Adam Sandler was the "brains" behind this project, donning a producer's cap and convincing several of his old SNL buddies to crawl out from under their respective rocks and come together for a predictable fusion of Revenge of the Nerds, Bad News Bears and every movie made over the past few decades featuring one or more former SNL players. The story involves geeky grown-ups Schneider, David Spade (sporting a really dumb Beatles do) and Jon Heder (basically reprising his Napoleon Dynamite shtick) clobbering teams of small children in baseball (although the kids are supposedly bullies, so there's a message here, sorta). Jon Lovitz gets in a few funny bits as the team's billionaire patron, but the bulk of the movie amounts to a string of fart jokes, gay jokes, booger-eating and product placements for Pizza Hut. The movie is mainly notable for a raunch factor that renders its PG-13 rating very nearly meaningless and what well may be the worst closing credit outtakes ever. Also stars Craig Kilborn, Tim Meadows (looking even more superfluous than he did on SNL) and Molly Sims. 2 stars
CURIOUS GEORGE (G) Apparently aimed squarely at the very youngest of young viewers, this feature-length family affair won't likely reach out to many beyond hardcore fans of that mischievous little monkey who's been around in book form since the 1940s. The trailers display lots of cheap-looking 2-D animation, a few mild mishaps and, if you listen closely, Will Ferrell as the voice of the man in the yellow hat. Also features the voices of Drew Barrymore, David Cross and Joan Plowright. (Not Reviewed)
EIGHT BELOW (PG-13) Paul Walker is the nominal star here, but the bulk of the movie is devoted, happily so, to the trials and tribulations of a sled team of dogs stranded and struggling to survive in the Antarctic winter. Don't expect March of the Penguins, but you will find an unexpectedly satisfying sense of authenticity to this project, with moments that are both exciting and (yes, you knew this was coming) inspirational grounded in events that feel not so far removed from real life. There are a few false notes (including an awful CGI misfire) but the story has a nice, Jack London-esque feel, and the film's cinematography is almost as gorgeous as its husky and malamute heroes. Also stars Bruce Greenwood. 3 stars
FAILURE TO LAUNCH (PG-13) Surprisingly quirky, this flick rides the wave of your basic romantic comedy, but with exciting and unexpected twists. While Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker play familiar roles — Matthew as the hot, laid-back leading man content with living at home forever, Sarah as the sexy leading lady hired on by his folks to get him out — the supporting actors, namely Zooey Deschanel, Terry Bradshaw and Kathy Bates, are luminous. There are a few Ben Stiller-esque moments of physical comedy and one too many shots of middle-aged male ass, but overall, it's a fun movie. 3 stars Erin Rashbaum
THE HILLS HAVE EYES (R) Alexander Aja, the French filmmaker who some would argue deconstructed the slasher flick with High Tension, takes a stab at remaking the granddaddy of the genre, Wes Craven's 1977 love letter to inbred mutant cannibalistic families. The big questions here are how straight Aja will play things this time, and whether the French-speaking director is up to dealing with a cast of English-speaking actors. Stars Aaron Stanford, Vinessa Shaw, Kathleen Quinlan and Emilie de Ravin. (Not Reviewed)
ICE AGE 2: THE MELTDOWN (PG) The further adventures of Sid the Sloth and his lovable pals from the original Ice Age movie — Manny the wooly mammoth, Diego the saber-toothed tiger and that weird little over-caffeinated squirrel-thingie who's always obsessing about his nuts. In this installment, the weather appears to finally be warming up, and our furry heroes are having to adjust. Features the voices of Ray Romano, John Leguizamo, Dennis Leary, Drea de Matteo and Queen Latifah. (Not Reviewed)
INSIDE MAN (R) The usual good guy/bad guy bank robbery is turned on its ear in Spike Lee's gritty dramatic thriller. With his knack for making typically-clichéd racial issues interesting and creating comedic moments at unexpected times, Lee's fast-paced movie keeps you guessing 'til the very end. Denzel Washington plays the cop who's brought in to handle a hostage situation that's been meticulously organized by Clive Owen's mysterious character. Jodie Foster is compelling as a power broker protecting the interests of the obscenely-wealthy bank owner (Christopher Plummer in a role just like every other he's ever had). Sure, Willem Dafoe deserves more camera time and there are enough product placements to make you wanna stick that iPod up the producer's arse, but Inside Man has a strong plotline and good acting. And Jodie Foster's legs … well, they're nice, too. 3 stars Erin Rashbaum
LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN (R) It's nearly impossible to tell what's going on during much of Lucky Number Slevin and, curiously enough, that's when the movie is at its best. The film's thoroughly cryptic and convoluted first half is one long, self-consciously clever riddle. But once the puzzle starts coming together, and the movie morphs from quirky tease to numbing seriousness, Lucky Number Slevin reveals itself as another classic case of less than meets the eye. Director Paul McGuigen and screenwriter Jason Smilovic pile on the twists and turns in a case of mistaken identity that involves a pair of feuding gangsters (Morgan Freeman and Ben Kingsley), a hired assassin (Bruce Willis) and the poor slob who finds himself caught in the middle of it all (Josh Hartnett). Smilovic, clearly a graduate of the Quentin Tarantino School of Screenwriting, overloads the film with archly self-aware dialogue and pop culture references, then places his characters in a world where the sensationalistic becomes bizarrely mundane and the mundane is so exaggerated that it begins to feel almost surreal. Also stars Lucy Liu. 3 stars
THE PINK PANTHER (PG) Another pointless remake that will stink up the theaters for a few weeks before finding its way to home video. Steve Martin steps into Peter Sellers' shoes in the classic role of bumbling, oddly-accented Inspector Jacques Clouseau, and the results are predictably disappointing. While it's probably not quite cricket comparing vintage Sellers to the 2006 version of Martin, a comedian who hasn't been particularly funny for the better part of a decade, the former wild-and-crazy-guy's overly literal interpretation of Clouseau makes comparisons unavoidable. The material doesn't help either, with fart jokes and lame Viagra gags sprinkled throughout the movie's main course of uninspired physical comedy. The murder-and-missing-diamond plot is inconsequential and Henry Mancinci's brilliant original music is barely audible beneath the generic hip-hop remix. Also stars Jean Reno, Kevin Kline and Beyonce Knowles. 1.5 stars
SCARY MOVIE 4 (PG-13) Another round of random spoofing, David Zucker style, of the latest batch of horror flicks — Saw, The Grudge, The Village, and so on — with much hilarity involving bodily functions and obligatory doses of T & A no doubt abounding. Stars Anna Faris, Regina Hall, Criag Bierko, Carmen Electra and Andre Benjamin. (Not Reviewed)
THE SHAGGY DOG (PG) A lot of people will tell you that Tim Allen has been going to the dogs for some time now, so it's only fitting that he finally gets a chance to prove it in style. Allen stars as a canine-phobic family man who morphs into a big shaggy sheepdog in this remake of Disney's much-admired 1959 comedy-adventure. The movie's copious special effects seem ripe for a CGI updating, and the remake may have another secret weapon in the form of the reliably manic Robert Downey Jr. as the resident evil genius. Also stars Kristen Davis, Zena Grey and Danny Glover. (Not Reviewed)
SLITHER (R) A thoroughly entertaining homage to '80s horror flicks that's smart enough to incorporate all the best influences — Stuart Gordon's Re-Animator and From Beyond, Cronenberg-ian body horror a la Shivers, lots of Joe Dante stuff — but down-to-earth enough not to get all Scream postmodern-y about what it's doing. The movie's not above poking fun at itself and its influences, but it knows how to scare us too, and even the obligatory clichés are handled with a certain panache. We get lots of oozing protoplasm, hordes of parasitic, mind-controlling slugs, shambling, brain-eating zombies and some serious weirdness meted out to children and animals. What more could you ask for in a guilty pleasure? Stars Elizabeth Banks, Michael Rooker, Jenna Fischer and Nathan Fillion. 3.5 stars
STAY ALIVE (PG-13) Frankie Muniz (Malcolm in the Middle) and a bunch of his pals discover that the videogame they're playing has deadly consequences in the real world. As the characters' cyber-surrogates bite the dust in the videogame, the players themselves begin dropping like flies in exactly the same manner. A concept whose time has come. Also stars Samaire Armstrong, Adam Goldberg, Jon Foster and Sophia Bush. (Not Reviewed)
TAKE THE LEAD (PG-13) It's To Sir With Love meets Mad Hot Ballroom, hip-hop style, when a professional ballroom dancer (Antonio Banderas) lands a gig in a New York City high school and finds his old-school methods challenged by modern attitudes. Despite sounding like a fusion of way too many movies floating around in the pop culture ether, Take the Lead insists that it's actually based on a true story. Also stars Alfre Woodard, Ray Liotta, Rob Brown and Dante Basco. (Not Reviewed)
THANK YOU FOR SMOKING (R) A sensation at Sundance and at the Toronto Film Festival, Thank You For Smoking doesn't quite live up to the buzz but it's good, nasty fun nonetheless. Aaron Eckhart (The Company of Men) has his moment in the sun as the perfectly named Nick Naylor, a sliver-tongued shill for the tobacco industry who never met a piece of spin he didn't like. Morallly flexible to the max, Nick has made his deal with the devil, but he's also smart and curiously likeable — as is the movie — and both of them eventually have us eating out of their hands. First-time writer-director Jason Reitman (son of perennial Hollywood fixture Ivan) positions Nick at the center of a deliciously non-PC satire of modern-day life and a culture grounded in the notion that everything is for sale. The film fans out in too many directions as it unfolds, and by the end there are at least two or three irons too many in the fire — a kidnapping scheme, a scheming potential love interest (Katie Holmes) and Nick's impressionable son (Cameron Bright) all vie for screen time — but, Thank You For Smoking still gets its job done in style. So far, this is the funniest and smartest American comedy of the year. Also stars Robert Duvall, Adam Brody, Maria Bello and David Koechner. 4 stars
THE THREE BURIALS OF MELQUIADES ESTRADA (R) An old-school western for new-school sensibilities, Tommy Lee Jones' directorial debut cleaves fairly close to classic western models, but not without a few idiosyncratic detours along the way. Jones himself takes the lead as a grizzled Texas ranch hand whose personal code of honor demands he abduct his dead friend's presumed killer and force him along on a trek to Mexico to give his pal a proper burial. That journey is at the heart of the film, but the movie sets it all up from multiple, Roshomon-esque perspectives, employing a fractured chronology in keeping with screenwriter Guillermo Arriaga's previous time scrambling in Amores Perros and 21 Grams. All of the film's individual stories eventually intersect, with the teasing tail-chasing of the first half crystallizing as the strange odyssey of two men and a corpse trekking across the Tex-Mex landscape. The movie segues neatly from neo-western to Greek tragedy to macabre, absurdist farce, as notions of revenge, redemption and other frequent staples of the western genre are gently shredded and manipulated with considerable black humor. Also stars Barry Pepper, Julio Cesar Cedillo, Dwight Yoakam Melissa Leo and January Jones. 4.5 stars
TSOTSI (R) A little South African film that recently snagged a big American Oscar (Best Foreign Language Film of 2006), Tsotsi takes us somewhere that few American moviegoers have seen on screen, much less in real life: the colorful, crime-ridden shantytowns outside of Johannesburg. Then again, if it weren't for the exotic authenticity of that location, there wouldn't be much here to remember. Tsotsi is a well-meaning but terminally superficial morality tale about a badly misbehaving man-child (Presley Chweneyagae) who steals a car, discovers a squalling infant in the back seat, and, inexplicably, brings the baby back to his shantytown lair to care for it. The movie mood-swings from Pulp Fiction to Three Men and a Baby, repeatedly pounding home the message that Tsotsi is damaged goods seeking redemption. There are some powerful moments here, but ultimately the film is more about easy slogans than it is about the nuances of character, and it's more interested in manipulating our emotions than in exploring ideas. It doesn't help that Chweneyagae, an actor of limited range, doesn't bring much complexity to the role of Tsotsi, nor that the script works mostly in shorthand, unfolding in broad, easily digestible chunks in predictable synch with a generic soundtrack of gangsta-rap-meets-world-beat (for the "tough" passages) and swooning synthesizers (signifying all that cosmic redemption waiting in the wings). Also stars Terry Pheto, Mothusi Magano, Kenneth Nkosi and Zenzo Ngqobe. 3 stars
V FOR VENDETTA (PG-13) Taking the political flirtations of movies like Syriana and The War Within one giant leap forward (or backward, depending on your perspective), V For Vendetta gives us a bona fide hero who is also a bona fide terrorist. His cause is a just one (overthrowing a tyrannical dictatorship), and he's one of us (freedom-loving Westerners) as opposed to one of them (dogma-toting jihadists), but V For Vendetta still means to have us pumping our fists in support of the symbolic power of blowing up landmark buildings. There are some marvelous bits and pieces here, but what you're more likely to remember are the swathes of poorly paced storytelling and pompous speeches replete with simple-minded politics. By the time V's final credits roll to the tune of the Stones' Street Fighting Man, the whole thing may seem about as convincing as the notion of Sir Mick the revolutionary. The film moves forward and backwards simultaneously, chronicling the rise of a fascist, post-apocalyptic Britain, the armed struggle of the masked insurrectionist V (Hugo Weaving), and the gradual consciousness-raising of V's young cohort Evey (Natalie Portman). Portman's performance here isn't one of her best (the English accent is iffy) while Weaving struggles to engage the audience while wearing a mask the entire time, and the chemistry between the two is minimal. Still, the couple's peculiar love connection does have a certain kitschy appeal, if only in a Phantom of the Opera/English Patient sort of way. It's not much, but it's enough to keep us interested while we're waiting for the next building to explode. Also stars Stephen Rea, Stephen Fry and John Hurt. 3 stars
THE WILD (PG) Disney's refusal to screen this in time for critics' deadlines isn't exactly a good sign, but how bad could it be? Expensive, state-of-the-art computer animation, goofy talking animals, celebrity voice talent and some sort of Madagascar-esque shenanigans about urban zoo critters adjusting to life in the great outdoors — at the very least, it sounds right up the alleys of the film's target 10-and-under audience. Features the voices of Kiefer Sutherland, Janeane Garofalo, James Belushi, Eddie Izzard and William Shatner. (Not Reviewed)
This article appears in Apr 19-25, 2006.