For the new season of Solitary V4.0 on the Fox Reality Channel, I thought I’d bring you up to speed on this wonderfully orchestrated experiment in American endurance. Nine ready, willing and very broke participants are placed in their own “pods,” which are nothing more than unfurnished, octagonal steel rooms. The only contact our pod people have with the outside world is in the form of Val, a generic female voice with a penchant for technology puns who speaks to them. If almost complete isolation wasn’t enough, the participants are required to engage in tests designed to push their physical and psychological limits. When they’ve had their fill and want to rejoin the rest of us here in Normal Town they can push a red button on the wall and admit defeat, thus forfeiting the $50,000 that is awarded to the last standing pod person (who I can only assume will leave the show and immediately attempt to breed with every person they come in contact with, creating more and more pod people until world domination is achieved — resistance is futile).
This show really made me want to meet the woman who provides the voice for Val. Correction: I want to be standing nearby when one of the previous contestants unexpectedly and publicly bumps into the woman who provides Val’s voice. Would they punch her in the stomach in front of her children or just fall to their knees crying and mumbling about money, pods and commitment? As a side note, I’d like to mention that I’m fairly certain Val is the same person who provides the voice instructions on the BB&T automated customer service line.
This article appears in Feb 3-9, 2010.