Alcohol’s persistent begging.
After several arguments of “no means no,” Alcohol suggested red wine. Immediately, I went home and Googled the benefits of a red wine relationship. Red wine is full of antioxidants and nutrients. It also contains less sugar than other types of alcohol (like my favorite pastime, Jack and Ginger or an ice cold Miller Lite). In contrast, red wine will actually benefit my health and well-being.
As I lay in bed that night, I weighed the pros and cons. The pros included a renewed relationship with Alcohol, a big sigh of relief from our mutual friends, and of course, the health benefits. The only con I could come up with was the fact that there will now be hundreds of tagged photos of me on Facebook with a purple smile—which will greatly alter my first impressions on people, I’m sure.
After a hectic day of running errands and working on school assignments, I decided that the purple smile issue wasn’t that big of a deal if I carried on with the relationship in low-lit areas. And so, I walked my almost-rock-hard abs to The Independent (the darkest yet trendiest bar in St. Pete) and ordered myself a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. Alcohol and I were reunited at last.
As an update on my New Year’s resolution, I regret to inform you that Alcohol and I got back together. Yes, I broke it off two weeks ago because we were headed in different directions. Alcohol did not support my desire to achieve a strong midsection, so I told Alcohol that I needed a break.
Needless to say, this breakup was one of the toughest I’d ever experienced. You see, Alcohol and I have a lot of mutual friends. And after a few nights out post-breakup, it was clear to me that if I said goodbye to Alcohol, I was also going to have to say goodbye to my evenings with friends. Alcohol can be quite a flirt. Combine that with my jealous tendencies and a night out can be disastrous. I expected this, of course but what I wasn’t prepared for was
