As a child of the nineties, my knowledge of pop culture points of reference, like the Beatles and William Shatner, has had to trickle down from my parents, media or the internet. For that, I’m thankful: You never know when a group will bust out “Hey Jude” Neil Diamond-style (there’s another one, and I challenge you to find a cooler adjective than "Neil Diamond" today. Adj.: Done publicly in a spontaneous way. As in, "the slap that mom at the mall gave her son was so Neil Diamond.")
So while covering the local dodgeball qualifier on June 13 at Brandon's Sky Zone, I couldn’t help but rely on my formal education of “Before-Josh” pop culture as I watched the final two teams duke it out. On one side, the loquaciously-named Kill It, who won’t let any pronouns stand in their way. On the other, the more kid-friendly Tune Squad (Space Jam), whose name outed themselves as nineties products as well.
It was a finale of Revenge of the Nerds proportions. Kill It was a five-some of gym-going, letter-wearing WASPs who no doubt used this tournament as cardio. Tune Squad looked like a ragtag bunch of kids who might have grown up playing video games together. To bring our references up to speed, it wasn’t Globogym vs. Average Joes; it looked more like Jersey Shore vs STEM majors.
As a third party I’m supposed to be neutral. Let’s go, nerds.
The tournament featured six teams in a single-elimination style. Each game leading up to the final was a best-of-three series. The final was best-of-five. The winner of the qualifier would become eligible for the $50,000 grand prize tournament in Las Vegas.
Kill It outmuscled their opponents en route to the final with a mostly-female cheering section. Tune Squad outwitted their opposition with moms and dads behind them. It was a dream scenario — brains vs. brawn, and I found myself more invested in the action than I expected. The "Tune Squad vs. Kill It" rivalry is built into our DNA, and, today it would be settled on trampolines.
Parents, friends, and biased reporters crowded the arena. The playing field resembles a UFC ring with mini trampolines along the ground floor. By now, both teams had found their dodgeball legs and were ready to determine the rightful winner. Tune Squad led with their trademark quick start and took game one easily. Game two was much closer, with balls whizzing end-to-end. With some difficulty, Tune Squad went up two games and were on the verge of clinching the Ultimate Dodgeball Champion title. Early in game three Tune Squad took the upper-hand and with a four-to-one advantage and peppered the last surviving bro like the wimpy kid in phys ed. Parents rejoiced. The Kill It cheering section acted like New Kids on the Block just broke up. I felt dignified that sometimes nice guys do finish first.
I do wonder, though, what that ragtag bunch of kids are going to do in Las Vegas.
This article appears in Jun 9-16, 2016.