So, yeah, the finale for The CW's 13th cycle of America's Next Top Model — they can't really call 'em seasons, because they come out every 30 seconds or so — aired last Wednesday night, and shy, quirky Nicole (read: she wears glasses and doesn't pronounce it "supposably") beat out southern belle and fellow finalist Laura (read: she turns her vowels into taffy, has been photographed near a cow and probably pronounces it "supposably") for the title of Girl Who Will Be Seen During Commercial Breaks For America's Next Top Model Cycle 14.
(Um, derf, of course I watch America's Next Top Model. It's too participatory to miss; after all, nothing is quite as infuriating as inexperienced young women sitting around a Utopian manse in Hawaii talking about how they didn't know the "work" would be so "hard.")
The kind of bold statement implicit in bestowing the tiara upon a young woman who understands that there is more to life than modeling is nothing new for ANTM; after all, this is the show that gave the title to a woman whose proportions approached those of a real-life female; that never missed an opportunity to plumb the depths of its less fortunate contestants' tragic upbringings; that even allowed a preoperative transsexual to hang around for a few episodes before, ahem, cutting him.
This article appears in Nov 18-24, 2009.