Finally, just in time for the all-important 2012 election, a real American has the foresight to publish the guide we’ve all longed for. Roland Boyle’s The Tea Party Guide to Being a Real American; Arming Yourself Against Godless Liberals, Dirty Socialists, & Sexy Ideas ($24.99, Sourcebooks) holds court on all subjects — gun control, The Constitution, sex (yuck), big business, but most of all, the liberal agenda — that Real Americans know are right, or wrong in the case of sex and the liberal agenda. It doesn’t matter if you’re red, blue, black, white, male, female, or somewhere in between, The Tea Party Guide will help you not only choose a lifestyle, but also a home, and maybe even a spouse — the right one, of course. Boyle has spent countless hours researching data, public opinion and personal bias to produce a fact-filled (contrary to what his editor sometimes says; he’s obviously a left-wing liberal) self-help guide.
“This book is on your side . . .”: It will “help you make the right judgments, find the right parties, and right the right wrongs. It will confirm you as a Real American, which means being right, right, right.” To make the right judgment, “you have to know what you’re up against,” and Boyle lays out the liberal agenda and how liberals want to confuse matters; nothing is black and white to them. Included is a review of the Red, Blue, and in-between states. Alabama and Mississippi are the obvious Reds; Hawaii and California are the obvious Blues. Our beloved state falls into the “Swingin’ to the Right” category. As Boyle points out, “there was a time when the Tea Party values couldn’t have made a dent in this weird, Jewspanic state. And then came Marco Rubio, trailing clouds of glory …” It seems that our very own Sen. Rubio is the next great, conservative hope.
Florida also failed to qualify as a “gun-friendly” state. Vermont tops that list with no permit required to carry a weapon, concealed or not. Who would’ve thought that the state that evokes visions of “White Christmas,” and with all that sap, would be the most gun-friendly? Did I mention they have a lot of sap?
This article appears in Dec 8-14, 2011.