Fridays, typically awesome, don't quite have the same pep this time around. Flip is full of piss and vinegar, Bill has an epic Ferg's hangover and the Rays went from playoff party-crashers in 2008 simply to uninvited guests double-dipping at the loser buffet. Over at the bar, the Texas Rangers are whispering to the Yankees asking how they got past security, the Phillies are rolling their eyes while canoodling with a giggling cocktail waitress, and the Rays, suddenly noticing the stares, awkwardly check to see if their fly is open. Embarrassing. Purge with us, won't you? Here's a peep.
Maddon admitted the Rangers took a vital component from the Rays' game plan. The component in question? Walks. I remember walking a lot in little league mostly because I sucked ass at the plate and was afraid of getting hit by a pitch. So, many at bats I just sat there and hoped I'd get more balls than I apparently had in my pants. I never dreamed it would be a playoff team's strategy. Um, Joe? Yeah, we have just a teensy issue with that.
One of the ugliest plays in baseball? A bad hop to the junk. But a close second would be striking out looking. And we can say without a single atom of sarcasm that it's something a paralyzed monkey on dope can do.
Note to professional athletes everywhere. When you call out the fans, you damn well better back it up. When you don't, expect a shit-storm. The clouds are forming, Longoria. There's a small-craft warning, Price. You've opened yourselves up to the always dependable and infinitely obvious argument that you cats are being paid millions of dollars to play a game and we're spending them to watch that turd of a shut-out. Get better. Fast. Everything's bigger in Texas, up to and including ass-poundings.
PLUS: We announce a remote (say we suck to our face, tough guy), Flip describes his experience with deep-fried chilidogs (you had me at deep-fried) and a baseball player allegedly has a touch of the AIDS (his ex's, quite understandably, have a problem with that).
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This article appears in Oct 7-13, 2010.