The pay-per-view sports event we would all like to see

“I’m an idea man, Chuck”

-Michael Keaton as Bill Blazejowski in Night Shift

Hey, I have ideas too. Good ones sometimes. And just like every other sports fan, I have unanswered questions. In the wake of Mark McGwire’s steroid confession, the impact of which will soon fade, I thought of a pay-per-view opportunity that would make the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight (that’s not going to happen) pale in comparison.

Those of us who watched Big Mac’s confession yawned through the ordeal.  I took steroids during the home run chase… bla bla bla.  Tell us something we don’t know, Mark.  The most interesting development to emerge from his confession was the subsequent banter between McGwire and former Oakland Bash Brother Jose Canseco.

Now that was good stuff.  There hasn’t been a breakup this nasty since, well, since Tiger and Elin. Canseco sat there all red-eyed, telling McGwire there’s no crying in baseball. Does Tom Hanks get royalties for that?

I hereby propose we don’t stop with just one confession.  After all, we’re the ticket-holders, jersey-wearers and eight dollar beer-buyers.  Power to the people, y’all.  We need someone to prove that Canseco is not telling the truth.

This article appears in Jan 13-19, 2010.