It's a miracle I survived childhood. We didn't have seatbelts in cars, all of the walls were coated in lead-based paint, and once a week a truck used to drive through my neighborhood spraying DDT.
And don't forget The Three Stooges.
I grew up to be a father of seven and I've tried to be a good parent. When the Great Scorer comes to write against my name, I'm sure I will have spent 10 years just telling kids to fasten their seat belts. I do my best to keep my kids safe.
But I refuse to protect my children from the Three Stooges.
I was a kid around the time the PTA's of America decided that the Three Stooges were bad for us. Too much violence and disrespect, they said.
Wise guys, huh?
This is what YouTube calls the most violent of all Stooge scenes. Even in single digits, I knew this was a joke and that we were not to try this shit at home.
Looking back at my distant past, I can't tell you how much pleasure I got from watching the Stooges. I never poked anyone in the eyes because of the Stooges. I never hit anyone with an anvil because of the Stooges.
I did laugh a lot, though.
The three youngest of my children are — yes, indeed — boys. They are 9 and under, the perfect age for Stooging. They're very curious about the new film about the Stooges, and thank God the normally hilarious-but-raunchy Farrelly Brothers made their film family-friendly.
This article appears in Apr 12-18, 2012.