Don't get me wrong, I love the police. Called 'em this week on my waaaaaayyyy too drinky neighbor (Seriously, dude: 9 a.m. is far too early to be Bud Light drunk, K?) and they handled his white trash ass spectacularly. But I also love The Police. So when I saw the Florida Orchestra planned to play The Police Experience (calm your tits, no one else died, they just thought it would be fun, I guess) at the Mahaffey, I said, "Fuck! The Police!"
Punctuation matters. It really, really does.
The weekend is a smorgasbord. Sample at will! And, uh, don't actually fuck the police. Unless you're dating one. Then, you know, have at it.
The Internet loves its lists, so in the interest of something new, guess what you get? My Top 10 Reasons to Weekend.
10. Disney and Dali: Because until you see it you may not realize Dali was Disney on acid. Or maybe Disney was Dali on acid. Hard to tell.
9. Travelogue Too busy paying off student loans to book that ticket to Cambodia (or maybe that's why you have 'em)? Live vicariously. Friday night.
8. The Congressman at Tampa Theatre has no sex, no violence (OK, one punch) and no CG effects. It still manages to tell a great story and also, Tampa Theatre.
7. Paintings from the Estate is an exhibit of the late Theo Wujcik's paintings. His partner, Susan Johnson (featured in our Ybor issue) curates. Meet her Saturday.
6. Stories from a Holocaust Survivor Bummer: Holocaust. Better: Survivors. Friday night.
5. Mother's Day Brunch at Ocean Prime. No, do NOT take her to IHOP. Because she wiped your ass, that's why. Sunday.
4. Broadway Bound at Stageworks. Because family is funny when they're pissed and also, Neil Simon.
3. Adopt a dog at Henry Plant Museum's First Friday. The Dog Art exhibit makes art come to life with adoptable dogs from the Humane Society of Tampa Bay. A puppy licking your face totally is art. Friday night.
2. Florida Orchestra pops concert. It's outdoors, it's on Mother's Day, it's free. So if you blew your extra cash taking Ma somewhere nice (and we hope you did), this is classy, free and awesome.
1. Fuck, The Police! (and The Florida Orchestra.)
Your time has come. Go forth and weekend.
This article appears in May 5-11, 2016.